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Hey... I am a simple girl with simple lifestyle. Now, I am going through a situation which seems easy for others but it's a kind of war in my mind. My father worked in abroad but as he is ill, he has returned to our country and is earning livelihood through driving CNG. Now as he is becoming too weak day by day, my mom is concerned for us three
siblings future. So, my mom is trying to marry me off so that I can live a lavish life and also can support my sibling. Besides, I have a person I like who studies with in class 12. Till Now, I have been adamant to not getting married and my father also supports me. He wants to make me independent and self-dependent. Somehow I have been handling the situation well. But my best friend's czin wants to marry. Her whole family likes me and they are supporting my decision. They are saying that the way my mom is forcing me to get married . One day I have to get married with an unknown person. Why not him? He will just get engaged with me and whenever I want he will marry me. Till now I was trying my level hard to postpone the marriage thing. But now I am stuck. One side is the person I like, one side my best friend and the other side my father. I don't know what to do... Please help and give a advice...
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If the person you like wants to marry you the both of you can always elope which means to run away together and secretly marry. Then tell your parents later if you want.
ReplyHe wants to marry me but we can't elope as it's not accepted in islam. We both are thinking about our parents respect.
ReplyIn my humble experience, marriage should be a commitment between 2 people based on mutual love, mutual trust and mutual respect. These elements take time to be truly earned between 2 people in a romantic relationship, and it depends on the individuals how long that is. But perhaps there is the approach that is cultural in some parts of the world of making it legal, having the ceremony and sealing the marriage with intimate relations, and then earning each other's love, trust and respect. I don't know, maybe both approaches work depending on the circumstances.
In my opinion, getting a engaged with a specific future date for the marriage is perhaps a balance between your goals. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
Mary, Mother of Christ, intercede for us with your prayers, now, and always.
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