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I've been talking to this guy and I kind of like him. At first, when he told me he liked me I turned him down very politely. I told him I'm going to college in the fall and I didn't feel it would be a good time to have a relationship. (I might have said yes but my friend told me she had been talking with him and he had told her he was not interested in messing around and he's looking for a wife which seemed like alot of pressure to me for a guy I'd only known a few weeks.)
Then the night after he asked if I wanted to go out for dinner or watch a movie at my place but I told him that would feel a bit too much like a date. He told me he thought I was overthinking it and he just hung out with a girl who has a boyfriend a got dinner so it's a thing friends do. Then he was like I don't want to be your boyfriend I just want to get to know you. I was like yeah ur right but its a bit different when its the night after you told me you had feelings for me and I just wanted to be careful I wasn't sending you mixed signals then he was like yeah your right. It's been about a week since then and we continue to talk every night. He's actually pretty sweet and fun to banter with. He's motivated and smart and has a great job. I'm starting to like him. It's so annoying bc I'm always checking my phone and thinking about him.
But my friend warned me that he's fighting some sort of sexual sin and she doesn't think he's over his ex and maybe doesn't know how to be happy alone. Although she doesn't know him very well. I don't want to be this guy's rebound and I also don't want to tempt him to sin again although I'm remaining pure till marriage and I'd never let him try anything he might be tempted into sinful thoughts or whatever and I want him to grow closer to God.
Unfortunately, I'm starting to develop feelings for this guy. How do I know if he really likes me for me or if he's just trying to get over his ex or just likes me for my body? He says the sweetest things and he is so nice to my parents it's adorable how he talks to them and tells me he likes them. He talks about how he wants kids and a family but he may be just saying that so I'll like him right? I tend to not trust guys because I was molested as a kid a few times so I have no idea if I'm being overly cautious or reasonably cautious. I don't think he'd ever do anything to me but I wonder about his intentions. Does he really like me for me? Is he really serious? This has all happened within the span of like 2 months. Please help bc honestly it's impossible to focus on anything else right now except him and I have things I neeeeed to get done. helpppp
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Your friend is jealous and doesn't want you to be happy with a guy. Ignore the stupid interfering bitch and go out with him. You never know he might turn out to be the love of your life. Don't talk to this friend about what you and he are doing so that she can't interfere any more. Actually, you would be better off with a much nicer non interfering friend.
ReplyI appreciate the support. I don't think she's jealous she has never done anything but be a good friend to me who's encouraged me with scripture so I'm not quick to write her off.
That being said she did just get out of a relationship and she could be projecting how she feels about not being over her ex onto him. When I asked her for more details later she didn't elaborate (because its his story to tell not hers) but she did add that she didn't like how he swears and doesn't like her taste in music. I feel her opinion may be dramatic but never in a way where she's trying to sabotage the relationship. She seems to very genuinely be nervous about him. I don't know all the details so it's hard to say.
I'm not expecting any 21-year-old guy to not be struggling with lust but I need to know if he's actively fighting it and seeking to be better. I also need to know he won't try and tempt me or that I could tempt him and hinder his relationship with God. I don't think I'd be easily tempted but then again I also never thought I'd even fall for this guy and here we are lol.
The thing is it's not even worth talking to him about any of this if he just sees me as a placeholder or a fun time because then I know he doesn't value me in the way I do him and I want nothing to do with him.
sry for the TED talk idk how dating works lol
ReplyI'm a male and would consider myself a bit older.
Seems to me that you could be dealing with two situations - one is the information from this friend of yours and the second is the situation with the guy.
I can remember once being out on a business trip with a very large group of my counterparts. I had not been there long and the company was large so I had yet to meet a good percentage of our workers. This was a large project so folks were coming in and going out at different dates with many of us overlapping several others. While having a dinner with the group one afternoon, they told me that that this one particular lady was coming in on the following day and they warned me that she is absolutely terrible to work with. I took it with a grain of salt but, I can assure you, I learned soon after her arrival that they were correct. She had been with the company for many years but didn't seem to know how to do much of anything. Felt like she spent more time breaking things than helping us make progress. And complain? Whew! She complained about EVERY....LITTLE....THING. It was nuts.
And while the group may have been correct about this one lady, this one time...it's about the only time I can remember having an issue like this. On too many occasions, I've been warned about this person or that person for this reason or that reason but I've mostly always taken that information with a grain of salt. Sometimes folks just let themselves get worked up over rumors or they made decisions based on partial information. It most cases, I find that I actually don't have a problem with this person or that person for this reason or that reason. We get along just fine and I discover they are actually pretty cool to visit with.
I say all that to say this - I don't know that I would choose not to have a relationship with this guy just because you're friend is explaining that he likely has alternative motives. She could be right, of course, but you certainly aren't getting confirmation or getting the information from the horse's mouth.
The second issue, I suppose, is dealing with the guy himself with just..."all the things". He's communicating, often, and you like him. I'm not sure that I see a problem there. Maybe just accept his offer?
There are some guys who could and will like you for who you are. There's an even longer list of guys who will tell you they like you in hopes of getting something physical out of it all. I don't think it's fare to categorize us all the same but, as I am a man myself and, again, a bit older, I can assure you I've heard all the stories and I can confirm from this that many men will do just about anything to make it happen.
I'm not religious so you may just toss all of this out the window but, if I were you, I'd probably...
Take the guy up on his offer and let him take you out for a meal. If you have a good time, and you feel safe about the situation, allow him to take you out again sometime. When you feel comfortable, explain your reservations about it all and let him speak to you on it. Perhaps a real relationship could blossom from this. If he tries to cross a bridge that you aren't ready to cross, or if you start not feeling well about the situation, you could always end the relationship and move on. Either way, you'd have your answer about the guy. Likely no harm in dating him, I would imagine.
You mentioned two months as if that's a short time frame and, to you, it likely is. There's nothing wrong with that. But you have to understand there are no guidelines for things like this so others, possibly even your guy friend there, may like to move at a faster pace. You just have to allow yourself to move at your own pace and not be rushed if he seems a bit pushy.
No matter what happens, we're all wishing you the best.
Good Luck!
ReplyI don't know if you will see this to read it. But I am also waiting for marriage, so it's been hard to find someone who has the same morals and values as myself. I totally understand where you are coming from. I would let him take you to dinner, but maybe when your out talk to him about your morals. Tell him your boundaries, and talk to him about your all's situation. If he continues to talk to you after you told him your ways, he might like you for you, and not what you can give to him. If he gets distant after you set your boundaries, maybe it's for the best, because he didn't have the right intentions. Like I always say, everything happens for a reason, and through God anything is possible.
ReplyPray for God to guide you as to what to do with this man. God will not send you into the arms of someone who has bad intentions for you. Your friend may be jealous but that does not mean they are bad or bad for you, pray for your friend too. But it sounds like you like this man and he likes you which is lovely. If a man is looking for a wife, it doesn't mean that he is going to marry you right away. In the bible, your relationship is recognized by God once you are married and is says that it is better to marry rather than be temped to sexually sin. You need not worry about timing and what is right because God's timing is going to be better than what you could come up with. I am a female and I am looking for a husband, not a boyfriend because I want a family and I believe God is calling me to that. So, I think you need to pray about what God wants for your life, and you will know what the right thing to do is, just listen to God.
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