What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
i don’t know what to do, this may not seem like a big deal to you guys but for me it is.
i’m dating behind my parents back and me and my boyfriend are going into 8 months. i absolutely CANNOT tell my parents any time soon or even this year, next year, or whenever. i’m turning 17 in 3 months. i’m old enough to be in a relationship. and the reason why i’m hiding this relationship from my parents is because my parents don’t want me dating because i’m “too young”. it’s annoying and suffocating. I LOVE HIM TOO MUCH. if they ever found out they would make me break up with him and take everything from me. please. i cant lose him. i care so much about him.
i’m scared because my dad said he would check my phone and laptop any time soon. i’m scared he will make me break up with my boyfriend. i cant lose this relationship. i love him too much. i feel like crying. i wish my parents weren’t so strict.
i really do not know what to do, i know i have to tell them eventually. i was planning on waiting until i’m 18 and i tell them because i would be an adult and they cant say i’m too young? but my parents are planning on going through my stuff. i don’t know what to do. i’m scared. help me.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
strict parents... help me...
i don’t know what to do, this may not seem like a big deal to you guys but for me it is. i’m dating behind my parents back and me and my boyfriend are g...
-
Need advice
My sister was pregnant with the child of her ex boyfriend. That coward fleed away, the moment he heard the news. My sister wanted to ab*rt the child, but it was...
Tell them that you fell in love with a guy, even if it's not dating, they should know. Don't do anything behind their back.
ReplyIf they do find out, tell them to stop with this strictness. You become an independent woman very soon and if you're almost 17 they have no say in who you can date. Tell them you are not too young. You are almost 17 for crying out loud.
ReplyI'm a parent myself and old enough to have had conversations with other parents about such things.
There are many reasons parents would ask their children not to date but, two that seem to be most common - religion and avoiding pregnancy. No matter what it is, generally they their decision would likely fall under the umbrella of "stay out of trouble". That said, they probably have good intention but could be going about it in a very stern, or unrealistic, way.
They may be willing to meet you in the middle, with some types of agreements, if you'd think you could "sell" the idea to them and agree to their initial demands.
How to go about doing that?....
You said parents so it sounds like both are under the roof, or at least in your life. It might be nice to approach the one you feel would be easiest to have a conversation with. Find out, initially, what concerns they have regarding you being in a relationship.
Typically, there aren't too many options to choose from here. Maybe, for example, they might be worried that you'll get into a relationship with a guy who is known to always be in trouble. Hopefully your guy doesn't fall into this category so you could be prepared to speak highly of him to this point. "I understand your concern. Tom is a great guy, though. He excels in school, he's a Boy Scout, and he's one of the best players on the football team. He's never in any kind of trouble."
Maybe the concern is over pregnancy. Here, you could promise that, if you're going out with this guy in the afternoons for a date, like dinner, you would go to the meal and return right after. Or you could propose an early time to be home, maybe a curfew of 7pm, for example. Visits could initially just at your house, only when at least one parent is home, and you could promise to stay in the "common" areas (meaning...no bedroom). If he visits and you all sit out in the open to play board games several times, for example, or he visits for a family meal, it could help your case. The parents could get to know this guy so they could feel more comfortable with him and the situation.
It's possible that, during the initial discussion, when you ask about their reservations regarding relationships, that the boy comes into conversation. You may mention him or they may simply ask directly and, at this early stage, you certainly don't want to lie to them about any of it. This will only hurt your cause.
And finally, I can say that there are non-official relationship statuses. It could be that you two are in a relationship but not going out on dates and such. It's likely that you two see each other often, at school perhaps, or at work (if you work some entry level part time job), and you communicate in the afternoons or at night when you are away from one another. I can't imagine your parents finding harm in any of that. And this may be the shortest, sturdiest bridge they'd be willing to cross in the early days.
If they can at least agree to allow you to be in a relationship where you aren't actually going out on dates, this could be a good first step. In the weeks and months that follow, simply bring up the guy's name from time to time. If you all are going out on a family outing (museum, local aquarium, the beach, etc.) maybe you could ask them if he could tag along. Soon enough, I would expect he'd be able to visit with you all from time to time and, from that, you could transition into actual outings - like dinner, a movie, or both.
My biggest advice to you would be this - if your parents give you an inch, don't try taking a mile. Stay within their boundaries until they are very comfortable with it all before you try jumping through another flaming hoop. The transition could be, for example - "I'm in a relationship with a guy I go to school with and we see each other there. In the afternoons, we text with one another. Later - The guy is now coming to our house from time to time. We sit in the common areas, like the living room or dining room, to watch movies or play games. Later - The guy comes over fairly regularly but we are also allowed to go out for dinner once in a while. Etc., etc., etc.
From your perspective, the parents are just "wrong". From their perspective, they are trying to keep you out of trouble. I think a conversation could be had to start making some forward progress.
I don't think it's too unusual that parent's don't want their child to be in a relationship but, because we don't actually know your parents, we on this site can't begin to guess just how strict they are on these types of things. You know them best and will know how to approach the subject in a manner they can appreciate.
We're sorry to hear about your concern and, no matter what happens, we're all wishing you the best.
Good Luck!
Reply