This has been an issue for too long

I hate not being entertained. I hate when I have no dope beats to listen to. I hate when I already exhausted all my options for today. I hate feeling demotivated and empty. This feeling never goes away or always comes back. Every day I have to go through the same shit, feeling like I don't want to do anything. It feels like torture honestly, because my life feels like one of the things that never change. I'm doomed to repeat this loop, I've been having endless deja vus of me doing the same things over and over again. Death will not be that special either, so nobody should expect anything from it. It would only make sense if we didn't die and kept living. Death defeats the purpose, it really does. There needs to be a point in time where everything is perfect and everlasting. I am bored and depressed, or bored and not depressed, or viceversa. One could call it having the day blues, well that's the problem... it happens every day, so might as well call it depression. It's been like this for a long time. I get tired really quick. But then I think about my dog and I feel terrible because at least I have more entertainment. You know what I gather from this? It's not that nice, life is not that nice. It all helps for the moment, but time never stays the same. Life is the biggest bully I know, but I'm not blaming someone when I'm talking about life. I wish people were more real too, like I don't want people to pretend they are doing fine; I wanna hear you say you hate life and that we are all walking to our inevitable demise. I don't know how I'm gonna die or when, but I know that it will be painful. I hate pain with a passion. I hate going through this shit every single day. It's not that nice, it really isn't. Like give me something to fucking do, spin the roulette and tell me exactly what to do. I'm done. I'm bored out of my fucking mind, probably depressed too because these so called day blues keep going and happening every day now, and I really don't know how to cope. There's literally a million plus things to do and not one of them I can find. Just swimming in the middle of an ocean filled with mostly either garbage that I don't wanna do or things that I don't know I wanna do. We'll see if history will prove the authenticity of my words, since when I hear for example rappers talk about their shit, I feel like they are mostly bragging about shit they never did or been to, and I feel like what I'm doing right now is pretty similar; I'm trash talking like a sir even though I learned that life does get better, but for what is it worth it? We are all gonna die anyways so... Remember this past self, don't wallow in self hatred whenever you go back and cringe to the shit you said, because your feelings were valid for the moment, and whether this ages like fine wine or spoiled milk, it's up to time to see if it withstood the test of it.