How to feel alive

I can't seem to figure out how I feel. I can't tell if I am sad, down or blah. There is no reason for me to be sad or down. I just feel I need to do something other than being on my laptop or watching netflix... I want to go out and just chill. I've been thinking of going to the mall but just thinking about it, its tiring. I picture myself sitting in a table somewhere in the metro with some music and drinking beer like in a banchetto. But then thinking about the crowd, I don't think it would be relaxing. Then suddenly I wanted to go to the beach, an ice cold beer in my hand, sand on my feet and the relaxing waves under the moonlight... When I was younger, I'd not think and just go. Regardless of the time, budget or schedule. I'd just go. I remember in 2014, i got nothing but a set of extra clothes, shades and cash enough to get me stuff from a convenience store. A few years later, I invited my friend to go beach hunting at night and we successfully found 1. Or before, a quick fix to clear my head and emotions was juts to ride a bus without a clear destination and sit quietly observing people or looking outside the window. I tried that again last year on my birthday and sadly, it didn't feel the same, less than an hour into the trip I decided to get off the bus and head back home...

I'm still here, not sure how exactly I'm feeling or what I need to do to feel different. Deep down, I know I need to feel alive, a rush or something just to feel