Feeling less than zero

Here I go again, my mind entered doubt mode. I truly cannot live up to anyone's hopes... I'm just a pretty worthless human being. I'm not a good person, in fact I'm very mediocre. I will never be good enough. I get perplexed for the smallest of things. My mind wanders around and it's purely about trying to convince myself that everything is fine. Well I'm tired of pretending that everything is fine when it's not. Maybe I'm just a big, insecure doubter. Maybe not... absolutely I am. I'm feeling less than zero to my entire existence. My body is made of negativity, but these things that I say are so overrated. I have so many expectations and ideas based on what other people are compared to me, and I always get disappointed, saying I'm the worst person ever. But it will never be that true, because I never met those people; at this point, it's just a reflection of nothing. I feel like all I do is take, while others give me... and sometimes they take away from me, but still all I do is take. I understand that we as a society have rules and everyone needs to follow that set of rules, even though the way society works is also we as individuals being selfish and doing what's best for us. I just feel so lied to today... trust me, it's minuscule why I feel this way, but my mind is telling me I'm being lied to and people conspire against me to make me feel bad. I'm such trash; if it depended on me, everything would go to shits in a hot minute. What do I contribute to society if all I do is take? Shit man... I don't know. I feel like my only pillar of validation right now is the fact that I and everything else exists and it's, you know, not nothing; because if we exist, then anything is possible, and that's one of my biggest vantage points for thinking that besides everything wrong going on, everything will be alright. So yeah, feeling trash, feeling less than zero... Today is ruined by mental fuck ups, that's a rule in my life lately, well, in the last like 10 years or so. I just made a big turd of a post that no one's gonna read, yay. You know, if you are gonna criticize me, better save it. I like life believe it or not, but I actually feel like the world makes me feel worthless all the time.