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Today was wild, online wise. I hate being a chat addict, because I get in fights with people. We always start arguments, and to be honest I'm kind of a troll when it comes to how I treat certain people that are a certain way. I feel hypocritical at times and it truly takes me for a joyride. Stayed a while staring at the chat screen to help me validate myself that I didn't make a mistake or treated some people too unfairly... because I did insult them, and argue with them, etc. I'm a massive hypocrite sometimes, but everyone does it, and despite it all I believe they are strong enough to not be gotten by my insensibilities, because I am somewhat of a sensitive person, but I struggle to fully believe that at times, on how much my bipolar personality and trolley traits make me treat others sometimes. I truly can't be nice to people like that anymore, and you know what? I blame them, they made me become a completely mean person. I truly don't control my words or emotions sometimes... mostly words, with emotions I'm fine (unless someone was being really mean to me.) But huh, yeah, I became quite an asshole lately, I'm kinda sad because there's a few people that I used to really like that now honestly took a toll on my soul on how fake and unfriendly they really are. It really does matter how I end up my relationships at the end of the day, at least to me, or my mental health when I need to fall asleep. How we go to sleep tells a lot about us as a person. I feel somewhat uneasy because I'm starting to really be mean to people and I even laugh at my own shit like a maniac, and feel like I'm some kind of comedic genius and that everyone laughs at my jokes for being mean to other people, and it makes me feel bad, like a stinging feeling of uneasiness in my heart that requires either a passive healing time or just action, because otherwise I feel I will never be alright in the moment, it's kind of annoying, especially considering it happens pretty frequently where I keep falling in these emotional compromises. But I'm tired of being apologetic with them, like that's maybe the way the internet is, and everyone does it. I wish they knew that despite me insulting them or trolling them I still have a soft spot for them because honestly we are all people, I just wonder when does respect get lost. TL;DR
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