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I have a question for y'all, don't expect any answers because I disabled comments, but is anyone here who DOESN'T obsess over existence happy? Do you feel happy not thinking about it? 'Cause I've become so obsessed with the truth... and I hate that scientists implanted me the idea or notion of absolutely everything. I think obsessing over everything (you know what I mean, everything inside other planets, other planets, etc.) can be unhealthy, but once you implanted that preconception is impossible to get rid of it... not until you DIE. And you can try hard to not care, but trying not to care is caring, and so it's an endless loop of never winning. Well, you could be straight faced and say, "no, I don't actually care... I'm not obsessed anymore, and I will just live my life." That's possible, that would be the definition of stopping to play the fool. It's like I had a born obsession, or rather I became obsessed with knowing why I'm here and all these things, and I'm just not happy, I feel like I adulterated my brain, I feel like on a living-level I fucked my health; I'm not wounded, but I'm definitely feeling it on a complex scale. It's absolutely hideous to feel everything on a deeper level, and at the same time, honestly having nothing. I was happy when I was a kid, or everyone is happier when they are kids, because it's a created obsession to want to know everything that there is out there; it's like my turtles who lived their entire lives inside, and now they want to explore new places, and they behaved strangely at times... like they wanna escape. We, humans, that are so complex, are never going to by-drop this idea that we need to know it all, and in a way we are playing to be like little gods. The purpose of this post is because I'm starting to get sick, like... it doesn't even matter because we are all going to die anyways, and so... today I was with the mindset I had to spend every moment of my life blowing my minds out, thinking about considering every little thing; a non stop deep thinking about life and existence. I know you'd probably be tired of me ranting about the same thing by now, but hopefully, if you feel the same as me, you are not here to judge people; you wanna make people feel appreciated and loved, heard and understood. And what about happiness? What I've learned from my almost 30 years alive, is that happiness comes and goes like waves, and it feels good when it feels good, but then it doesn't the next day... and so it's like this endless cycle of never being able to conquer this side of life... and combined with that born or made obsession with knowing everything... my happiness, mental health, mindset, and composure are all getting quite deluded. Even with everything bad going on though, I think that everything will be alright. That's all for now. Thank you for reading. P.S. I hate the fact that no matter what I do, everything seems to never go away... it's like the same all the time, and waking up seems not worth it sometimes, but we kinda have to. Remember that I'm another human being behind the screen. Peace.
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