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I'm so scared for the future, and even the present. Will I even make any friends ever again? I'm constantly getting reminded of the fact that after my ex bsf betrayed and left me all alone, I've never managed to keep any friendships for long after that. I befriended someone, but oh my GOSH, after her I feel as if I lost myself. I cant seem to keep convos without them getting awkward, I dont feel confident, I just feel ew and I've become just like her. She was sort of an outcast, and my first mistake was befriending her. I thought, "I feel bad for her, whys no one friends w her?" Then she decides to show me why no one's friends with her. And now, I'm scared to even say too much to someone or even get close with them, I dont wanna go thru that all over again. Yet again, I want a friendgroup so bad. Everyones constantly viewing eachothers stories, taking pics in school together and having fun but I just feel miserable. Or even just having a friend to talk to, talk to about normal things. Guys, school, makeup, all that. Why can't I just have someone? Everyone here, I hate them. They're all fake. Every. Single. One of them. And then I'm constantly getting reminded of this guy I liked. No idea if I still love him, or whatever this attachment thing I've had towards him is. I haven't seen him in 4 years, yet part of me still hopes I see him again. And every guy I see, why do I see the guy as if its a resemblance of him? I did reach out to him. But that's a whole other story. He's aware Ive got somewhat feelings for him, but i blocked him because I was scared I'd get too ahead of myself. (End of last yr) He's not even all that, nothing is attractive about him, looks, personality, nothing!! If anything, from what I remember he was just 2 faced but occasionally okay with me, and joked around w me a lot. But why the hell am I so into him then?
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