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I am so depressed. I literally feel a sadness so deep it wouldn't be possible to put it into words. I cannot clearly remember the last time I felt content, let alone happy. I sort of remember when I started feeling down. It has to be when I was about 15 years old. Toward the first year of highschool. Man it's been 10 years, almost 11 That is a large chunk of my life I've felt like shit on the inside. You know it hurts even more when I look in the mirror and I see all this potential I threw away. All these opportunities I didn't have the balls to pursue. I don't see a man that is worthy of anything really. I see a man that failed in every aspect. I can't even cry anymore. It's a sadness that doesn't bring tears but anger towards myself. I tried so hard, so many times. I guess it was just never enough. No matter what I've tried to get better including drugs, counseling and therapy it just doesn't help. I feel like it's something that is a part of me now. Like depression lives in me and it can't be removed. I'm really worried at this point because my life isn't improving at all. I can't find work and now I'm just alone with my thoughts. On top of my mental battles I don't have a any friends. Literally not one. I haven't had someone to hang out with in over 8 years. That is wild or to think about. People were complaining about lockdowns during covid. It literally didn't change a thing for me. I'm a social distancing expert.
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Do things that you like to do and have a hobby. Keeping yourself busy when you are alone helps and you can enjoy your own company. When you do talk with someone keep the talking positive and not negative and don't go on about being depressed. Try to come across as happy and interested in the person. If you are young it is good for your mental health to be social. Try talking to people when you go shopping and you can then have acquaintances in your life. I wish you the best.
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