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I don't know if writing here would help me or not. But writing in a diary is not so safe while I'm living with my parents. I came here to write my emotions out bcuz i thought that would help me eliminate some pain but now that I'm here I don't know what should I be writing about and from where should I be starting. One thing I know is that I'm in too much pain my heart is so hurt right now. I was deeply in love with him and I was always the one to keep the relationship afloat, keep it happy, keep it safe and healthy, keep it going and what not. I don't deny his part of efforts of course it takes two people to make it happen. But this last year 2023, I had a tough time and I'm still having a tough time. I'm torn between finding a job, securing my career, going for higher studies. I'm so confused, scared about what is going to become of my future. And through this all I thought I had him, my bf who will stick with me through thick and thin, like I did for him. I practically made him the man he is today, I supported him emotionally, financially, and I did so much and so much for him, just so that he would be settled and he would be happy... Just so that he could become a man whom my father approves of because I wanted to marry him. I wanted to marry him so much.
He had many plans- to go visit new places, stay in a metropolitan city. Though he included me in all those plans as his partner but he eventually left me because my career is very unstable and he maybe thought that he could not achieve those things with me. He has a work from home setting for the time being and he says that he gets lonely and that his life has become monotonous. And i completely understand I even encouraged him to go visit new places and move to his desired place and not get burdened by me or our relationship. I asked him to pursue his happiness and share that happy feeling with me and I assured him that I would make everything alright and join him soon but here I am crying in my bathroom alone typing frantically like this. He suggested we become frnds and move out of the relationship..I couldn't stand to see that I was strangling my dearest person , that this relationship, my whole presence was somehow making him unhappy. So I agreed to him only to get his confession two days later that he is in a new relationship with someone new. I feel so bad. I can't stop this crying my eyes are hurting but he keeps popping up in my head and I'm unable to avoid this hurt, betrayed feeling. For 4+ years, I kept this relationship going, kept it unbreakable, kept choosing him over everything else and when I'm having a tough time and he had to start doing the things for me that I did for him, he couldn't and chose everything else over me. He chose to leave me alone in my toughest and darkest time which i could never dare to even dream of doing to him and I never did, I can say that proudly. What did I do to deserve such pain!! I loved him so much but I'm left all used emotionally, physically,financially and everything. I wanted to be with him but I was so badly chased out of it. Now he wants to stay frnds and says I'll be irreplaceable in his life. Listening to this it feels like a joke. Like I've become a joke. It hurts so much. It hurts too much. Is it okay to resent him? Should I be open to forgive him? What should I do to forget all this and focus on myself now? And how to focus on myself I don't know how to I have forgotten how to? Pls help.
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WOW THAT GUY IS SO THICK-FACED I- that made me carry away, and i do think you did not deserve that.
I think, with what happened, it's yours to resent him that's your own emotions you control that. Though regarding to forgiveness, you should, along with forgetting it. The idea of the past bugging you can be very impactful, so forgetting it will be very difficult. The process of forgetting something that stayed with you for so long is very slow but progessive. By slowly letting all emotions, materials, things, all connected to him go can be VERY HELPFUL.
so yeah, you should focus on yourself now. But don't do that by going through the awkward process of "Hey, im over him, im so slay" will just have you end up crying over him on a cold Wednesday night. Plastering on your mind the goal you wish of freedom away from him is helpful, reminding yourself that it's you now.
And by focusing on yourself, that means to go basic from baby all again. Continue proper hygiene, check out restaurants, read books, etc. Yes, at first you have to avoid going to places that remind you of him but slowly accepting that he's gone that those places do remind you of him helps. Yup. Even if you want to go to Baskin' Robbins but you guys had your anniversarry there, you should go.
* Embracing the hard things slowly one at a time helps accept the fact that he's gone.
So nooowww, cry your heart out, go reminisce about him that's okay. Please do remind yourself that you are gonna move on now. Happiness will always be back to you in ways that's good for you, not just him. We don't have to keep on going back to the past, okay? Restart your life. Even if in the process of crying, anything to help you that is harmless. I hope you are okay soon, i will pray for you :))
ReplyIt seems you have an unimaginably open heart, a heart that was manufactured for the sole purpose of giving and receiving love in enormous quantities.
I'd like to start by saying that what has happened to you gives you the right to resent him. You are allowed to feel mistreated and hurt by his actions, which do not consider the fact that you loved this man unconditionally. Whereas, it seems his love for you had conditional principles by which it was set. It is okay to feel used, it is okay to feel inconsolable sadness.
In my opinion, to learn to forgive somebody, they must first show that they desire to be forgiven. He must prove his sincerity to you by understanding your resentment, he has to empathise with your cause by apologising profusely for the way he has hurt you. In which case, you can choose whether to forgive him or not, that's up to you.
The focusing on yourself part comes naturally after a break-up. There's nothing else to do. You're left to your own thoughts, which are contaminated by your heartbreak. I suggest trying something new, four years is a considerable amount of time dedicated to your relationship - perhaps it's time for self-discovery and growth.
While there are no instructions on how to discover oneself, I believe that the best remedy for heartbreak is surrounding yourself in love, and falling in love with the World around you. Become more involved in your own life: try to learn a new skill, learn a recipe you never thought you could, do something you've never done before, experience singledom for all it's worth, and confront each of your problems head-on.
Although this advice is quite vague, I sincerely wish you the best through this difficult time. I have a feeling that you'll find the love you're owed one day and that it will all be okay.
ReplyResentment is natural, but it's corrosive mostly to you, not him. As trite as it sounds, to forgive is divine, since God forgives us when our remorse is genuine and we repent, otherwise if we do not repent what's the point of asking for forgiveness if we'll repeat the offense. Therefore, forgiveness must have consequences, i.e. actions have consequences, even something as minor yet effective as establishing boundaries going forward. Best way for me to get over someone is dive into sports, hobbies, volunteering, classes, and be honest with anyone looking for a relationship if you're not looking for a relationship. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
Mary, Mother of Christ, intercede for us with your prayers, now, and always.
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