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Everyone tells me that they need me in their life. That i make their life better. That i make them happy. But the question that i ask myself is this.Do i make myself happy? Do i need ME in my life? If so, why? When i help everyone except myself from all the troubles, what am i missing there? Who am i fooling?
I don't want to live with all my hurt. I dont want to remember every hurtful moments that i have had with the people i loved. They wronged me, and now I'm doing it to myself too. I think i've lost my spark. When i feel like everything in my life suffocates me, i jump into a pit of oblivion. Not caring about anything else, going numb. I miss the version of me who was genuinely happy. Who didn't have to fake being excited to talk to other people. Who wouldnt sweat while having a mild conversation with anybody outside my friends circle. It all points to nowhere.
Im lost. I feel lost.
In the whole wide expanse of the world, I feel weak. A tiny fragile human being longing for love. She looks for it in the wrong places. And when she does get it, she doesn't feel like she deserves it. I dont know if I'm making the wrong choices or the right ones. I just feel like I'm not making a choice at all. Im just numb. Thats what it is.
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