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I hate the person I’ve become.
I’m a horrible person and there isn’t really any excuse no matter what’s happened to me or how someone has treated me it’s never okay to go down to there level and treat them that way or worse.
I disgust myself.
I’ve become abusive both verbally and physically.
I really hate myself and I should.
I’ve always hated myself but now more than ever.
I don’t know how to change it.
First step I guess is leaving that relationship because i can’t do it anymore.
The resentment i feel towards her there is no way i could possibly stay and start my life with her.
It’d only get worse .
Maybe I’d end up killing her.
Not that i think i would but i know if it’s bad now it will only get worse.
The resentment i feel is so strong it overpowers the little amount of love i do have left for her.
She’s ruined me and I've ruined her in return.
It’s so hard to walk about.
I don’t know what else to do because I am so certain it will not get better.
It can’t after ever she’s done and everything I’ve done in return.
I was nice before this relationship
I was so ready to be in a healthy relationship and treat her right but she’s honestly corrupted me so much.
I can’t blame her because i do have control over how I react.
Well i mean I should have control over how i act but I don’t.
I lose my head more than ever and I say the most derogatory things I say horrible things to her and I feel no way about it? What does that mean ? I’m very heartless when it comes to her.
I say disgusting things.
One minute I’ll be okay and the next something comes into my head and i hate her all over again.
The hate doesn’t leave my body.
There’s so much angry built up inside me I don’t know where to put it?
Where do I put this anger in my body?
On my body?
Do I hurt myself ?
Do I just end it all?
I can’t get rid of it and it fuels me.
I am my anger .
I am made of anger.
All I’ve ever known is violence and anger.
One day I’ll be gone I know it .
The days coming I can feel it .
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You are a very valuable person, the world can't afford to lose you! I don't know you but I know you must be very talented. You may be angry now but if you put that intense emotion into something positive, you could help a lot of people! Most importantly, you have value because you're made by God. He loves you and has a plan for your life. So please, don't give up.
It sounds like it would be best for you and her if you ended this relationship. And that's ok, tons of relationships don't work out. Your mental health is very important.
Now for the bad things you've done. I've done a lot of bad things too, we all have. And I know you probably think your mistakes are worse than most people's, and I thought the same thing. But there's one thing that got me through, and it's my religion. I realized that no matter what terrible things I've done, the price for them has already been paid by Jesus Christ. Every word you've said in anger, every action you've regretted, Jesus paid for all of it, and He will forgive you! All you have to do is pray to Him, tell Him you want to get rid of your sins and you believe He died and rose again from the dead. After that, Jesus will be with you every day. He will help you do what's right. It may take a long time and nobody is ever perfect in this life, but you'll become a better person every day. You asked where your anger should go, so my answer is this: your anger and sin can be destroyed forever and you will be a whole new person if you trust in Jesus Christ.
ReplyWell, first thing's first: break up with her and get out. You have a long road ahead of you, and you'll probably spend a good first chunk of it looking back. You might hate who you are right now, but that person is all you've got at the moment. You can spend your days dragging them through the mud or you can help them get back up and become a better person. In my case, each day looks different. There are days where I choose to drag myself through the mud. I hate who I am. I hate every version I was. I can't seem to wrap my head around how I could even be worthy of the work it takes to be better again. And there are days when I try really hard to just be better and get better. Days where I can remember that I was still young and didn't know any better. When I can remember what it felt like to live in survival mode and offer myself grace for it all. I can't tell you how to get through it all, because I haven't. But I can say that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Some days you can see it better than others, but if it was there today then it must've been there last week too. Just get out and push ahead.
ReplySending you love thank you for your words i appreciate them more than you know, can’t back today as I’m struggling just to read some of the things people said
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