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I've been attempting since I was 12. 12 FOR FUCKS SAKE. I've tried fucking everything. I've tried everything to keep fucking going. To stay alive. All the hobbies the meds the therapy the hospital visits. Everything. Nothing. Fucking. Helps. I have been trying to die since I was in middle school. I've been cutting since 6th grade. And then covid hit. Covid. Fucking covid. I tried to die during covid. Fucks sake. I was 12 when I first attempted. Hell I remember it so fucking clearly. I held a knife to my throat. A knife. Then the pills. Then I tried to slit my wrists then I tried to hang myself. Yet i'm still fucking. here. I want to die. I just want everything to end. I want everything to go away. I don't even want to be sitting here, typing this. I have access to everything. I could just die tonight. I could just do it, and not feel anything ever again. But alas, I could never actually pull the trigger. I'm to much of a pussy.
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Ya know, that's how I felt too after continuing to live after poisoning myself... Ya know, maybe there's a reason why you're here. Maybe one day you'll figure something out and spread the word. Maybe you'll go down in history for it. Keep working on your hobbies you will receive fulfillment from whatever it is you do. Ya know, you might be the next big time philosopher. You never know. Continue your road
ReplyI could comment some nice little quote or fluffy feel good thing, but I know that's not helpful. Do you have anyone in your life you can share your thoughts and feelings with?
Either way, please comment back! I want to hear your story. What is your life like? What brought you to this point? What's your favorite color and ice cream flavor? Or whatever else you'd like to say :)
ReplyMy story is very chaotic. Maybe one day I'll write it out, and tell it to the world. What brought me to this point was a pile of trauma, and witnessing to many things at such a young age.
As for my favorite color, its green. Any green! Neon, pastel, mint, sage, you name it. I love green.
I don't have a favorite ice cream flavor, but I love chocolate brownie gelato my aunt buys from HEB!
ReplyLife is rough! Isn't it crazy how the things we experience in life can affect us so much?
Find one thing each day that's beautiful. The focus on the good idea is an easy one to say, but actually practice it. Focus your life on it. Even in the midst of tragedy and struggle there is something beautiful trying to break through. You'll probably be surprised how your view on life can change when you start looking for beauty. I'm going to start looking too!
Also, my favorite color is green too! The green of Novni is my favorite color, like the regular grass green. And my favorite ice cream is moose tracks. That chocolate brownie gelato sounds tasty! If I ever visit HEB I'll get some :)
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