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I hate this world. I hate trying to be perfect. I love my parents and all but sometimes I can't take it, I know they want the best for me. But I just wanna give up. I wanna be done with this world. I haven't done any homework and classwork. The school called my parents and they're furious. My mom took away my phone, which I don't really care about but she was not happy when they all called me and told me that I have been lacking. See they don't see the changes, I'm giving up. I don't care about me or this world. I don't wanna be here at all. I don't do my work because I'm so incredibly lazy that I find it so boring and too much work that I choose not to do it. I used to be happy but now I hate life with a passion that even if I died tn, I'd be glad. Because I give no care for this world. I don't like it here. The thing is, I don't want anyone to notice, I just wanna leave because I don't want something holding me back.
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My love we suffer with you. The secret is we all don’t like it here. Life has tough realizations, realities, and expectations. None of us like it, but we cheer ourselves up, we experience this rare ability to feel with our five senses, yes it can be detrimental at times, where we are aware of our own selfishness or that of others, but people work very hard. I never noticed the buildings, houses, clothes all around me to appreciate the hands that made it. People live you. Farmers love you. Construction workers love you. The person at Starbucks loves you. When people are trapped in their senses, they can lose sight of others’ feelings for their immediate desires and fail to see just how hard it is to stand at that Starbucks counter. To still say hi, even when others don’t. Do be rushed, yet still show up to work because they hope to brighten your day.
But yes I do feel like you and understand your point. There are times I get up and think, “Who built this world, why do they work so hard?!” That tells you something my friend. Something maybe we’ve never heard, something media doesn’t tell us. People work hard, they want to be remembered, to set their mark. Those guys sweating in the sun building homes or planting crops do it precisely for you! They could say no. But all over the world, it’s overwhelming to really acknowledge how hard people have worked. We can join in, suffer with them, or at least give them a smile, a note of thanks. You are not alone my friend. I think from feeling like you I much greater appreciate the work people do all around me; because I know they must have these feelings too but still push forward.
You are strong. You are worthy. You make a difference. Thank you for being alive, for giving all eight billion of us the honor of your company. Thank you for joining us in this experience for better or for worse. We are all grateful you are here. We are all grateful for your presence, your company, your honesty, your mind.
Thank you for writing!
ReplyI want to preface this by saying please stay safe.
So many people feel like this as well darling, myself included. I find that enjoying the little things in life is hard but neccessary to stay grounded. Take time to yourself with things you used to enjoy before the motivation left. I do not believe you are lazy, I believe you are simply unmotivated by a block in your brain that makes it difficult to continue in life with seeing a purpose for things. One day you will find a great group of people who love you for who you are, see your progress, and challenge you to stay motivated and do the things you deserve to do in life. Parental care is only temporary, I know it’s so hard right now because they are always around you at home and on your phone. It will pass, and I know everyone says that but maybe because it is truly sincerely fact. Maybe it will get harder to see, or maybe you can see through the difficulties and overcome them. I truly hope you heal from this and in the meantime just know you are understood. You are heard and your feelings are acknowledged by somebody out there.
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