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I should shut up soon or I'll drive people tired of my rants, but I'm not going to shut up because I have a right to express my concerns. This is the feeling I get, we all know life doesn't allow you to keep the things that you have, but it does get progressively better; sometimes you feel happy, sometimes you feel sad, and other times empty... it's not rocket science at this point. It would be fantastic for you if I could say things slightly different from time to time, I know... but where do I go to expand my vocabulary? What do I type on Google, out of all the results, to help me expand my vocabulary to not say the same things or use the same words all the time? I always had only one experience out of life, and that is that my entire life I've been in this body that was changing along time, but I sorta am aware of everything I've lived generally speaking... I have a composure. I've come to accept my fate, and that I live connected to a screen most of the time... the other times are when I'm going around in the same place I call home to do everything a body needs to do to survive. My thoughts come sporadically, intermittently, and I need to give it a time or moment to think about what I'm about to say... I'm not like other people who write rhymes in a matter of seconds. Unfortunately, we all know that everyone is dying... and let me get all existential here, but imagine for a moment what would nothingness be like; once you thought about it, you can't give it name, color, shape, or anything... so then what is anything or something? To me it's an incredible force that's called time itself. What if its only purpose is to shapeshift and be? The only reason for being would be to simply righteously be. Because nothingness will never be a starter, just forget about that idea... nothingness is not something. Now imagine what it'd be like for things to be something but never move... well, wouldn't that be similar to nothingness? To me, things are simply the way they are and everything happens for a reason. Now cutting my existential segment, I wanted to talk about the actual purpose of this post; the feeling I get is that I'm partaking in this thing called life going seemingly nowhere... I think that death can be relieving, but look at it like a temporary nap... like you go to sleep, and eventually you are reborn (not in the mundane sense that some people would call "reincarnation", but an actual gathering of the elements surrounding earth to give rise to you.) And so, what is acceptance? Is life really unfair? What if we all agreed? Can pain ever go away without erasing pleasure? I don't know if you are a dualist, but my philosophy of life has always been that everything is the truth... and that's a scary thought, I know, because if everything is the truth it would be natural to assess that everything that could happen is happening, including terrible things happening to living beings hosting on other planets, explosions, crashes, tortures, etc. But here's the thing, nature, in a way, is very primitive... in the sense that if you were to give the question of where did things originate, you would always think in primitively, relatively simple ways... and if I wanted to go further, I would say that the universe does not necessarily have a beginning, but it was there in any way, shape or form. This is just me rambling around... don't actually believe anything of what I just said; I can be hypocritical at times, but one thing that I like to do is to be thoughtful and theorize in my mind about my place in the cosmos.
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Yes! Such a delightful read! I love it!
Okay. Bet. Think of it this way.
Aren’t we “the living or sentient” just matter, that rearranges matter (that can’t move, isn’t sentient)?
Matter rearranging matter.
We didn’t choose our mind.
We didn’t choose our body.
We didn’t choose the world.
We didn’t choose the world or what it contains prior to us being born into; and being forced to adapt for survival purposes.
We are autonomous biological machines of desire.
Desire.
Is it really “desire” though. Did we really choose the desire we “desire” or is it all primitive, like you say, impulses we have no real control over?
Are we matter gone “wrong”? Matter turned “conditional”? Matter turned “prejudiced”? Matter turned “tyrannical”? Precisely because OF sentience and our very ability to FEEL what some describe as pain or pleasure, but really just sensations we prefer rather than others that feel worse.
Thank you for writing. Phenomenal words and introspection.
A phenomenal read!
ReplyI think life gets progressively worse as the human body weakens the older you get.
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