Tired

I am exhausted. My mind is going crazy. Yesterday my friend found out her husband was cheating on her with a girl he had already had a relationship and an abortion. My husband new about it, and instead of telling him how wrong he was, he just acted like a men and actually encouraged him. I confronted him, and he is sorry and realized his mistake but a little to late. What he should've done in my opinion is maybe tell him he was making a mistake, and be more respectful about my friends relationship, since he knows her and we are their kids grandparents. I am very upset with him and it is hurting, even though he apologized to me and called my friend to apologize too. I know everybody makes mistakes.

My mother has been sick for a while now with fibromialgia, but her illness is 100% more mentally. She can be a good mother if she likes but also when she doesn't she acts as if she has 4 small kids who don't listen and take care of her exactly how she wants. Today my sister called me in the morning telling me she was sick, she said my mom called her and said she was not feeling good, and I wan to her room to see how she was doing, and I found her complainig because she was in pain (I believe it is very painful and I don't think she is faking it but she is also not doing anything to feel better, she stays in bed all day, doesn't move her body at all and on top of it all, her diet consist of a glass of milk in the morning before her pain medication and maybe some bread or a sandwitch after, and maybe some fruit and that is all for the day). So I get to her room, see her compaining and ask if there is anything that I can do she says "no, I am just in pain, everything hurts" I say do you need me to bring you anything to eat she says "no I drank some shake earlier" not even half of it and she has already taken her pain medication (it is scary when she takes this medicine because it is pretty strong and we have taken her to the ER with signs of overdose, she claims she was fine, she just needed some sleep, but she kept rubbing her mouth and wouldn't respond to what we were asking together with some nonsense as if some kids where crying when they were actually in school). She tells me, she has an appointment with the doctor at 2, I said ok I can take you. But when we got to her her room we were expecting to see her on the floor or somenthing because of the way she called my sister, and she seemed ok, I mean sick but not for the scare. She procedes to tell me she needs some papers form the doctor, the ones we got last time we took her to the ER, so as I am looking for them, she keeps complaining and crying in pain. I can't find this papers and I tell my sister, we should look for them later, in my mind I said, ok she has her appointment at 2 and it is barely 10, we still have time to look for them, we can let her rest and when she is better we'll look for them. NO, she gets up and starts looking for them herself, I said, what are you doing you're going to feel even worst, she said I need those papers, ok let me keep looking, she starts acting as if we don't care what she is going through, I pull a box where she keeps her socks and accidentally pushed her feet, I didn't even pull the thing hard, mind you this boxes are the fabric ones that are collapsible, she tells me to leave, my sister says it was an accident she shouldn't be treating us that way, she says leave, you both leave. I say what are you doing, this isn't right, the way your'e treating us. She (like she does all the time) puts her hand in front of my face and says leave. I just left. I have been with her all of the time, when she is sick, when she needs to talk. Since I was a little girl been the oldest of 4, already makes it hard, there is never time for the oldest. She dealt with migraines since I remember, and I had to keep my sibling quiet. Also my father was an alcoholic who would come to the house only to start yelling or sometimes he would't even come. I always got in trouble with my dad for defending her since I was a little girl. and guess what. I am tired... I am soooo tired that I can't even deal with my own life. This past year I had an accident and I thought I was going to die, this left me with anxiety and panic attacks for almost half a year, this past two months I haven't had one but I still deal with anxiety every day, I feel my heart and I can't sleep. I just cant deal with all this anymore. And I still try to be positive, I look at thing in a beautiful way and I still thank God for everything, everyday. But is is sooo hard that I never have energy, I left the gym, I don't have any hobbies. I push myself everyday to keep going but I also look forward to going back to sleep everyday.