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I compare them all to you. No matter how amazing they are, it's not you. You, and your delicate nature. You, and your tattoos. You, and your hair. You, and those brown eyes. You, and how perfectly shaped you are for me. I mean, truly truly perfectly shaped.
I'm scared for the day you will disappear. I'm glad you're a local and I know you'll be around. But you'll meet somebody else once day and I'll never see you again. I've been with boys/men since I was 16 and I've never had anybody make me feel the way you do in bed. Literally, nobody. The first time "that" happened, you were the first to do it. You knew how to press down on my hips. It was an accident; you were simply trying to support your weight. But in that moment I said, "Wait..... Keep your hands there." I could feel myself bubbling up, higher and higher. I felt like I was so longer in control of myself. My body was taking flight and I didn't want to stop it. You looked down at me (something I always hated being done) but your eyes and hands took me to a place I've never been to before. There was a rush in my ears and I fought to pull the nearest pillow out from under the sheets so I could muffle the chaos from bouncing off the walls. You didn't even have to try. Your body just shifted exactly how I needed it to. I've been with you 3 times now and each time is like that. For the first time, I feel greedy in bed. I feel like I want to devour myself in your body. Several times, I've asked myself, "How does he do it so well? He must be a professional or something. There's no way he's got that much experience in these short years." I keep waiting for you to tell me the cost. But you are just a normal boy.
I want to tell you these things. I worry you'll confuse my praise for flattery and your ego won't allow my words to stick. I'm worried my praise will turn you off. I'm worried you'll think I'm full of shit. But I'm not, Z. I'm just blown away that whatever you've done to me has awakened my femininity.
I've tried with other guys. I really have. But they aren't you. They don't move the right way. I tell them how and they listen but it's not you. My first thought is, "Z would never....." A and I find myself starving even worse after. Starving for you. I'm left in a daze for 4 days after I see you. You fulfill exactly what I need. My mind is mush, my body is sore, my legs are shakey, my skin is flushed.
The day after Valentine's Day, I came into work with flushed lips. I noticed how my skin glowed and I had a light in my eye. I was worried everyone would know what I was doing. And I wanted them to know.
I'm greedy for you. Even your brain is like mine. Biology, huh? Who knew. As a sapiosexual, anyone in the scientific field turns me on. I had no idea. I'll ask you about it the next time we're together. I'll bring up science. I want to connect with you. I want to know you as much as I can before you disappear. I'll treat every night together as our last. Because somewhere out there, it was, once.
Please don't leave. 😞
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