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Interesting. Loving him causes a dissonance between my own behaviors and my emotional values that ALL PEOPLE SHOULD BE GOOD, because I view him as a cruel deviant. This causes me to act out (well in simple internet hating words) as if to holler at him like a barking child that wants that dangerous thing to get the hell away from them. My outbursts alleviate the confusion my emotional values are experiencing by being in love with something contradictory to what my beliefs and values are. So I actually do LOVE HIM AND HATE HIM and he probably knows this, hence why he is a little shit. If he wanted to, he would alleviate my emotional and cognitive dissonance by showing me he is kind and good, not a monster deviant. He does not do this because the pleasure he gets from being a little shit playing with my dissonance is stronger than his desire for me to view him as anything different than a monster, because he doesn’t care enough about me to change it (A LITTLE SHIT). “Go f*k yourself”. See, that is me hating the way you make conflict arise me, something that I do not like. But now I’m sad because I love you because I Love You and I Hate You—you little shit.
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I admire that you love. I admire your unconditional love. Most importantly I value that you acknowledge what matters most to you and what behaviors you don’t like. No one has the power over you to make you use any other word other than that describing going towards a situation and/or person or going away from. You are kind and loving, and the words coming out of your mouth, that you secretly think in your mind when no one is around also reflect that. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, thank you for writing. You are valued, worthy, and a treasure for every single one in this world to behold, come across, or read from.
ReplyYou are caught in a love/ hate relationship now but one day you will have had enough and break off with him.
ReplyAre you talking about God?
Replycould you help him change? be louder about your needs? (without yelling)
Reply