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To this day, I still think about you. It’s a habit, it just happens, I’m thinking and you come into my mind, my head suddenly floods with the thought of you and suddenly there’s a burning ache in my chest. I can’t ever bring myself to admit what I felt for you because it’ll only hurt more, I know more than anyone we had something, something special. You held my heart ever so gently, in the palms of your hand. I can’t stop thinking about you, I really can’t. I try to push you out of my mind but you’re always there, when you left, a piece of me left with you. I’ve never found anyone else like you, I’ve come close but it’s not you. There’s Dominic, the one I left you for but he left too. It’s my fault, all of this is my fault. He was such a wonderful guy, he was everything to me at some point, just like you were. It didn’t work out, my self sabotaging led to some idiotic decisions which led him to leaving, I was simply too much for him, he already had a lot on his plate, he couldn’t handle anymore at the time. I wish him the best.
Words weren’t spoken between us but I know you felt what I felt, it was mutual, that much is clear. I wish that I could’ve heard those words from you though, but that’ll never happen. I know it won’t, it can’t. But… I wish that, maybe, in another universe, or lifetime, I’ll find you again and we could’ve made it work. We would’ve went to college and university together and graduate and went stargazing by the cliff and have that small house in the country side with the Honda Civic you said you’d get for the both of us. I love you, Charlie.
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