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I feel torn… torn between the past and the present, who I’m expected to be, who I think I should be and who I want to be.
I feel torn… torn between trying again and again and again and just giving up because it is so so hard to continue trying when I’m tired of it.
I feel torn… torn between wanted to be loved and wanting to stay alone. Because which heartbreak is easier? Someone else breaking my heart or me breaking my own.
I feel torn… torn between loud and quiet, being social and wanting to be alone, believing I have friends and then thinking I have none.
I feel torn… torn between the old me and the new, between believing the negative things people told me and knowing these things aren’t true.
I feel torn… torn between two nationalities, countries, personalities, one I have to work hard in and one I feel comfortable in, but in the wrong country.
But most of all I feel torn between, am I allowed to be happy and of course I am allowed to be happy.. I must be happy and I am happy, but I am also allowed to be sad sometimes…
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Set your boundaries, and then sail out into the ocean a little at a time, and eventually you'll know how to navigate what you allowed yourself to explore. But choosing to stay in the port you know because you feel torn will never reveal to you new adventures. Also, explore a spiritual journey if you haven't started it yet, no religion necessary, although a humble practice if done freely. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
Mary, Mother of Christ, intercede for us with your prayers, now, and always.
And after our worst deeds - never forget God forgives us when we repent through Christ Jesus.
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