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My boyfriend and I had a conversation about me not opening up to him, mostly because he has enough family problems, and I don't want to add to that. He cares deeply about his brother and gets choked up when his younger brother makes small mistakes and gets reprimanded for it. He told me that the care he has for his younger brother is unlike anyone he's ever cared for, and that if I open up about my problems, they won't affect him the way that his brother's problems affect him.
I struggle mostly with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts, which is what I don't like opening up to him or anyone else about. I told him that I feel alone because it seems like no one truly cares about my issues unless I'm harming or about to harm myself. When he said that, it only made me want to stop talking to him about my mental health even more. He sometimes has to beg to find out what's going on with me, and even then, I don't really tell him.
It seems selfish, and I want to clarify that I do not expect him to get bent out of shape because of me. It just hurts because I told him I feel like I have no one who really cares about me, and it feels like he confirmed it. He gets more upset over if his brother gets reprimanded for bad grades than if I am expressing that I need someone there for me and I need help.
I know that, if it came down to it, if I was in a really dark place and his brother wanted to spend time with him, he would choose to be with his brother. I'm afraid to have this conversation with him because I don't want him to take it the wrong way. Sometimes I just want to break up with him, so he doesn't feel like he has too many obligations or that he has to choose. What should I do?
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Communication is critical in a committed relationship. In my humble opinion it might be helpful if the 2 of you take a course together, nothing that adds pressure, something fun. Or similarly, the 2 of you spend 1 or 2 hours together in a volunteer activity, 2 of you together. Maybe these activities will bring the 2 of you closer and more open with each other to communication. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
Mary, Mother of Christ, intercede for us with your prayers, now, and always.
And after our worst deeds - never forget God forgives us when we repent through Christ Jesus.
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