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I don't even know where to start. I have had this feeling of dread inside me for so long. I seriously don't feel alive anymore. I just feel so flat and emotionless. I still feel sad and angry most of the time. I don't think I have felt good in over 10 years. Recently I started hitting the gym and trying to better myself despite feeling so defeated. So far it hasn't changed me much. The one thing I would want anyone going through a similar struggle as me is that time is so precious. If there is something that you are dealing with whether it be confidence issues, mental health issues, addiction, depression, you need to find the source of it. What did you start doing around the time it started? You need to identify the source of whatever your problem is. Are you using cause it helps take away pain? If so remember alcohol and drugs only temporary give you a good feeling. The only way to feel good about yourself again is to regain your self control. People say to not go cold turkey cause it's a shock to the system. Whatever addiction you may be struggling with. You need to just stop. Stop now. Don't wait another day please. Do everything in your power to resist. It consumes your life, and you don't really realize how big a problem it is until a big portion of your life has passed you by. Man I missed out on so many things. It hurts me to my very core. Today I am making a promise to myself to not waste another day giving in to my addiction. No matter how many sleepless nights, or any amount of pain I endure, it will never be worse than not being proud of who I am. Some exercises I recommend some of you to try is 2 things. First remember back to a time when you weren't addicted, or sad, maybe you even felt good emotions. It's hard to remember cause for me it's been so long. Also think back on any person you may have come across in your life that really struck your Interest. It may be someone you liked romantically. If that person got to know the real you, how do you think they would react? If heaven is real how would your passed loved ones be looking down on you? Would they be disappointed? Most importantly the last part of the exercise it to look at yourself. Seriously use a mirror. Look you nto your own eyes. Are you proud of yourself? I can tell you right now, I'm not proud of my self. As much as it hurts to do these things, I think it's important to do once in a while. It puts life into perspective. Time is so important guys we have to stop wasting away. I also want to note this doesn't even allow apply only to addicts. This applies to any struggle you may be facing in life. Do what you have to do so when you look at yourself you can say I am the best version of myself. Or at least a better version than I was before. I am still struggling right now. I don't plan on seeing any progress for a while. I really hope I start to notice a change in my emotions. I have felt so lonely for so long. I really hope anyone who reads this and is struggling finds a way to actually live their lives and not just exist in the darkness.
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I was taken away alcohol, I had a terrible abstinence and then got introduced to meds, antipsychotics. I really rejected all that but now I realize they depriving me from drinking made me better. I threw my last beer whole in the drain/trash. I do have a big mirror where I look myself, and I see this overweight, futureless person in it. Depression has been a big topic all my life, my mental health was always really valuable to me, even more than any friendship or relationship. When I'm going around this house and feeling like I'm existing more than living, then it's when this familiar sting of emptiness strikes and it's when I just don't feel like going through any intrusive unwanted emotions. Also, if you ever feel like your problems are big, do the next thing: type "real images of the universe" on Google and realize how much our thoughts are our biggest enemy. Hope anything of this helps, it was what I hoped to accomplish anyways. :) Peace. P.S. I'm not saying the latter advice for you to overthink more... it's just for you to notice that maybe sometimes we are wrong about things.
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