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I had my first crush when I was 12 or 13. or at least that's what I called it. it was on some guy in my Spanish class. I liked his smile and his hair and his freckles. I thought about him every once in a while, and I got a little bit excited I saw him. but we got partnered for a project, and I realized that he wasn't actually that great to be around. so I let it go. he wasn't too hard to forget about.
my next crush came along a couple months after. a friend of a friend, she wasn't in any of my classes, but I liked her for some reason I couldn't quite put my finger on. a little bit after discovering this, I got invited to her and her (identical) twin sister's bat mitzvah. for one of the dances, she took my hand to spin me around. the second she took my hand, my heart kind of went !??!!?!?!?!!?! the joy was indescribable
that summer I came out to my closest friends. they're all queer so I knew it was fine
now its the school year after that. now I know what a crush actually feels like, and why they call it a crush. in hindsight, I was only aesthetically attracted to that guy from the spanish class. that was not a crush. THIS is a crush. not a day goes by where I don't think about her. she's got a playlist dedicated to her, and a Pinterest board, and I've dreamed about her, and in one of them she actually confessed to me, and OH MY GOD I had never felt happier, even though it was just a dream, and we were both crying, and it was so so so so so so so amazing I cant even describe it.
but then I came back to reality and I cant. I'm an indecisive coward and too much is at stake. its fight or flight and I'm freezing, I'm frozen and i'm falling and I'm too scared to take her hand in case I drag her down with me.
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Thank you for sharing this. I know it may have been daunting to, so you have been super brave to do so. Crushes can either be fleeting or lengthly and it seems that within a year, your feelings for your crush have only intensified over time causing you to feel conflicted on what to do about it. On one hand, you have this uncontrollable urge to say something to them, but on the other, you are fearful because you don't want to lose whatever friendship/relationship you have built with them. There is also the fear of rejection should you confess your feelings and them to not feel the same way.
The best way to go about this for now, is to try to give them an idea of your feelings without confessing. That way, if they felt the same way, it will be a lot easier for you to confess your feelings to them. This can be done in a number of ways, through body language and complimenting them. You may think that this could freak them out but if done correctly, it could swing in your favour. Don't be too overbearing with the body language or the complimenting and you should feel a bit more confident to confess based on where they stand when it comes to their feelings for you. I wish you the best of luck.
ReplyCrushes are exhilarating, but ultimately the most important thing at your age is your education. Stay focused on your academics and getting into college, graduation and starting your career. For now, have fun with the crushes, but after your career is going you'll have lots of years to deal with the ups and downs of crushes and romantic love.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
Mary, Mother of Christ, intercede for us with your prayers, now, and always.
And after our worst deeds - never forget God forgives us when we repent through Christ Jesus.
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