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I don't want to leave my family behind. Growing up my only dream was to study abroad and come back to my country and live with my family.
I was a bright student in school. Due to financial situation I was not able to fulfill my dream of studying abroad.
I did my graduation from the best business school in my country. But to this day my heart hurts thinking about my broken dream.
In my final year my father showed me his savings and told me he had saved up enough money for my masters abroad. I finally had something to look forward to. I thought I'd study for a year and come back and do something in my country.
Once I completed my graduation my father put the condition that if I go for masters abroad I have to settle there as otherwise there'd be no return on investment. I was shattered.
I have no one close to talk to. My cousins come from wealthy families. They studied abroad without having merit due to their money and now there are living a comfortable life at home looking after their family business. But they hate to live with their parents.
Whereas, due having nothing in my country I have to leave everything behind and settle abroad.
I only share my sorrows with my mother. Now I can't even do that because thinking about it makes her upset and she starts crying.
What hurts me the most is my parents are okay seeing me depressed and upset as long as I don't share this sorrow with them.
I don't have many close friends. I can't share it with the either.
One thought that constantly comes to my mind is it'd be better if I killed myself. As my parents are comfortable with my silence and not my tears. Why don't I silence myself forever.
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Breathe love. It’s going to be okay. I know that does nothing right now when everything seems scary and hard. You must me in so much pain right now and I’m so sorry. One way or another you won’t be with your family. One way you have a chance at happiness and life. A way to reconnect if they come to their senses. But if you choose the other option that never happens. Your dreams don’t come true. You never get to the better days. You never get to find out how amazing life can be. Please don’t give up yet.
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