im sad

I need help and im scared that I will be labelled as crazy. I'm scared to go to the hospital because I think they will lock me up for my safety. I know that would help me, I know it would be good for me but Im scared. I hate the way that I feel.With my anxiety I always have such a heavy feeling on my chest that never goes away. I don't know how to get rid of it. I know that you can't make it go away forever but I hate this feeling. I'm scared to go out in public, I feel like people are going to judge me for everything I do. I hate that I lock myself up and don't want to go anywhere. I hate everything about me and I don't know what to do. I don't want to be here, I don't want to keep feeling this, I don't want to suffer anymore but I think about the few people that do care about me and I can't stand the thought of hurting them. It makes me sad to think about my partner being sad, it makes me sad to think about my partners family and how that would affect them, it makes me sad to think about making others sad but at the same time it that will be the last time they have to be sad, they would have to live in constant fear of me. I don't know what I want I just know I don't want to feel this way anymore. I don't want to suffer anymore. It's not fair that no one sees me. It's not fair that no matter what I do for others I feel like I can't ask for help but I need it. I self harm because in the moment the physical pain helps me get my mind off the emotionally pain. I hurt so much because of my parents and no matter what I do I can't get over everything. I've bottled up all my emotions for years and years and I'm now trying to get the help so I can heal but it's becoming too much, I'm feeling everything I hid for years and now I feel like it's too much and too late for me.