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I just have this feeling I can't quite explain, like he doesn't see me, doesn't find my problems or life interesting, and is just being polite. I know he likes me he talks to me every chance he gets, even when he's tired, and he comes over all the time to cuddle, but I wonder if that's just because who wouldn't want to hang out with a girl that sits and listens to you and smells good after being around a bunch of smelly stressed out guys all day? I feel like he talks about himself, and then, out of politeness, he will ask me the same question I just asked him. He tells me something personal, and I will listen, and then I do the same, and it feels like he doesn't care or thinks I'm dramatic, although he doesn't say that specifically. Sometimes, I feel like he likes the idea of romance, but I do not. I feel like I do so much for him, and all I want is to be truly known and for him to want to ask questions about me.
I know I can't be fully known by someone after 3 weeks of dating, but why isn't he trying to get to know me better? He's mentioned vaguely that he would marry me, and he seems obsessed with me, but I just don't know. It's like something's missing. I want to bring it up, but I also want to know why I feel this way. Does he just like the idea of me and the fact that I'm a good listener because I really don't need another person who's going to vent to me? I also think it might be too soon to bring up as we've only been officially dating for about 3 weeks. I've noticed this feeling since our first date, and I wonder if I should tell him about it. I care about all the mundane things in his life. If he feels the same, he should feel that way too. I'm giving him another week to try and get to know me because he's in the Navy, and his work is quite demanding. I know he's been tired, and when you are tired, it's hard to care about someone else, but he's like this when he's not exhausted as well as far as I can remember.
I think he's being selfish in taking up all my time and implying that he would marry me (even if it's true) and coming over to cuddle and then never asking about me in a way to get to know me. I want to, for once, feel seen, known, and cared about, like I am for who I am, not what I look like or what I can do for someone. I feel like he tries to fit me in this box in his head, but I just don't fit in. I should allow him to change and speak his mind, but I don't know how to bring it up. Did I mention this is my first relationship? Yeah, I have no idea what I'm doing! Please help!
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Hey, from what I just read it seems like this guy is using you as some sort of therapist to talk about his unspoken wounds and then try to figure them alone. You also seem to mention cuddles a lot and research says that if a person always wants physical contact with you then it means they are lonely so in this case what you can do is leave him before things get worse. In the beginning of every relationship,people always try to get to know each other because it's what they call "honeymoon phase" and that phase is whereby couples are still very interested in each other a lot, they go beyond their limit for their partners. All in all it seems like your first relationship is not going well but you can end so that you do not have a bad experience of love.
ReplyHe's deep into the Halo Phase. That's when you first meet someone and can only see positives. You aren't a real person to him, yet. He might be trying to on for size but it's still very early for anyone to get attached. I'm glad you're able to see both sides of this. But he's in fantasy mode right now. Reality hasn't crept in. You don't know anything about each other yet. It takes about 5 years to truly know someone so 3 weeks is nothing. I wouldn't get too attached. Enjoy it, participate in it, but don't fall for him until he delivers an emotional turn. Otherwise, you'll be setting yourself up for a massive heartbreak. Just enjoy it. Don't take it too seriously.
Love,
Your friend ❤️
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