My Unsent Letter

Dear Grandpa,

I wish you could've lived to see me to this day, I feel I would have been better off if I had such guidance, not that Grandma is any less, but she is torn by grief and stress, I wish I could be there more, but she is out of state, more than three hours away. It's times like these where I start worrying about losing someone out of the blue, like I did with you.

I came downstairs to see my father's face, red from crying, with a grave expression on his face. "Grandpa passed away." Despite me being only 9 or 10 years old, I had a tighter grasp on the dark side of life than most other kids.

I wish I had more memories with you, I suspect my memory is becoming clouded as I delve in and out of depression, and confusion, the crisis of adolescence, and the pain of past trauma, grief, and tragedy.

If I were with you, what would you like to do?

Now that I am older, but not much better behaved, I am neurotic, but I want to think deeply, and learn about what life has to offer, at least what interests me about life.

I just need to dig myself out of the ditch I've fallen into.

I love you, Grandpa.