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How can people just expect me to be in a good mood right now? You call twice a day to bring up the very thing weighing on my mind, knowing it will twist the knife in my side just a little bit more, and then act confused when I'm quiet or angry. But honestly, that's all I have right now. I try my best to put on a smile. To crack a joke. To keep it light. But my body feels hollow and heavy all at once. Every laugh echoes in my ears. They're fake. They're forced. I'm not really laughing. I'm so exhausted right now. I'm distraught and sad. If I'm not angry or laughing, all I'll do is cry. Because I'm not ready to lose her. I'm not ready to let go. So for the love of god stop expecting me to smile and listen to it all. I can't hold your problems right now. I can't hold other people's opinions on what decisions I should make and what I should do. I can't hold all of that and my grief. I can't do all of that and still do everything in university. Stop handing me your problems and opinions. Stop applying your expectations. I can't do it right now. I can't hold any of it for you.
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Hugs.
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ReplyI don't really know how to help you to be honest, but I'm so sorry and whatever you are goin through must be so hard. I hope you feel better soon and I hope you end up okay π
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