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I always been a daughter that follows rules, morals and principles and I was practicing celibacy. I was saving it for marriage. Then pandemic hit worldwide, people were dying everyday. I was turning 29 and was still a virgin. I wasn’t my usual self during pandemic because I was in deep depression. Since sex is always something I was very curious about I was thinking of trying it at least before I die during pandemic. Nothing was certain at that time. So I met someone and tried it for the first time. Then after few meet up I decided to end the FWB thing. Deep inside I actually felt very lonely. I was craving for a soul that gets me. Not just this superficial thing. Then I met a guy at work. I thought he was interested in me turns out he was interested to do FWB with me. Im an old soul and I hate that things become this way. I was lonely and craving for cuddles. I agreed for cuddles but things slowly turn into sex. This whole thing was stupid. Because who am I kidding. Turns out he had girlfriend the whole time. Stupid. We have ended it. Now I have 2 body counts. I’m feeling guilty and I don’t know how to explain this to my future husband. I’m the type date to marry and I end up like this… how do I restart?
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What's done is done. Don't beat yourself up for it. Whether or not sex before marriage is 'wrong' is pretty subjective. Many medical professionals consider sex a human need. Many religious people think you should wait, but hold that over women more than men. I tend to think the idea of waiting until marriage is unrealistic and based in no real logic. Though I am still waiting until I feel ready and comfortable with myself and whoever my partner may be.
At the end of the day, the guy you marry probably won't be a virgin. And the right guy won't judge you for you past. Just decide how you want to carry yourself moving forward. It sounds like you are uncomfortable with casual sex. So if it bothers you, maybe you should avoid it.
All the best.
ReplyThere's no right and wrong. Only what feels right for YOU. Marriage is a man-made concept as is religion. What happens if no-one will marry you, does that mean you are supposed to be a virgin your whole life. That would be ridiculous to abide by these social or religious binds. You're an adult and always should make your own decisons. That's why you have your own brain.
ReplySo I’m a male and I’m Catholic, but honestly, my thinking about it isn’t based on religion. My motto in general is, don’t take unnecessary risks. Everything has a risk to reward ratio and probabilities attached to it. Like buying a lottery ticket, low cost, high reward, but if you multiply the reward by the probability and compare it to the cost, it’s just not worth it at all. I don’t want kids right now. If I had sex with a girl, I’d feel good for like 5 minutes, then I’d probably have a panic attack about the implications accidentally getting a girl pregnant would have on my life. Other people will say touchy feely stuff that you’re free to do whatever you want. I honestly don’t desire freedom as an individual as much as I want success. And that’s what my nature is. What your nature is I have no idea about. I just like talking about myself because I think I’m better than everyone. (Just kidding.) Basically, to put that really short and sweet: it’s okay to have sex if you’re prepared to deal with the potential consequences of having sex. And I’m not.
ReplySorry to preface, but I'm a Catholic woman who went through something semi-similar, but a while ago. I decided that I didn't want to live that life anymore either, it was too lonely. I left it all behind, and after a while, I began dating another Catholic who shared my same values; we agreed that we would wait until after marriage. When the time was right, we had that difficult conversation, but he didn't care about my past. He loved me for who I was, not who I pretended to be. He proposed last May, we are getting married this June. Waiting for sex until after marriage has been difficult, but making that commitment just proves that he loves you and respects you (and you love and respect him) more than your own temporary happiness.
Glass half full: this experience taught you that sex isn't some magical thing that solves all your problems. Society nowadays praises sex and tells you that if you don't follow those values, you're the problem and you're going to die alone... it's not true!!
Sex before marriage, in my personal experience just opens the door to way too many issues. Utilitarianism (using someone for your own benefit) usually pops up and it blocks the possibility of forming an actual, beautiful connection with another person. Once you're open to the possibility of sex, you stop seeing that person for who they are and you see them for what pleasure you can derive from them. Anyone in a long-term relationship will tell you that commitment is often difficult and requires self-sacrifice, so naturally, that utilitarian-thinking person won't be around when times get tough.
The other side is respect. You value yourself, as you should, and you value your body. If someone else doesn't value you like they should, why even be around them? Find someone that respects you the way you deserve to be respected.
It's never too late to try again; to err is human. Forgive yourself.
Finally, when you feel alone, imagine some day you find that one person that always treats you with respect, he's patient and kind, he cherishes you, he is always looking out for YOUR best interest, even in spite of his own. Don't give up on him because it's difficult. He is out there! I know he is!!
ReplyI'm speculating that 99% of people born after 1950 have sex before marriage. Is it wrong?
In my humble opinion It depends on your personal convictions, but for certain sex before marriage comes with risks; risks that can have life altering consequences. We all fall short of the glory of God, so if we wake up and realize that we feel our actions are "wrong", then the grace of repentance is offered to us. Repentance meaning we change our mind and our actions. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
Mary, Mother of Christ, intercede for us with your prayers, now, and always.
And after our worst deeds - never forget God forgives us when we repent through Christ Jesus.
Reply