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I was at my annual obgyn exam today. They hand me paper work to fill out and I go and sit. All of a sudden I'm through the first page and then the next page asks me for my emergency contact information and if I need to assign someone to know my medical information in case of an emergency.
What I didn't tell you in the beginning is that my mom passed away less than four months ago. Well tomorrow makes four months. Something so small that I never gave any thought too suddenly hit me like bricks hitting the pavement. I don't know who to write down. I don't have any numbers memorized. Who do I put? If I got into a car accident who would come to my bedside?
I guess I always thought that person would be my mom, at least until I'm married but by history that is not happening anytime soon. That is a whole different story in itself.
I feel so alone and so empty. I started crying, not a loud sobbing cry but silent tears down my face. I text a friend and my two nieces. They helped. But I still have this feeling. It hurts. Am I truly alone in this world? No one who remembers me as a child, someone who knows how I would act and what I would need. Missing that makes me feel entirely alone. I know I am not. I still feel off. Comments suggested please.
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