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Should I break up with him? Opinion needed. I'm begging for at least one :))
2 weeks ago · 4 · Need Advice, +2
74
I should start by explaining the situation properly and also by saying that I'm the one in wrong here. So we've been a couple for over 9 months now and 3/4 weeks ago I started seriously thinking about breaking up with him. I gave myself a week to think about it, I talked with my cousin, a friend (a girl) and even with my mother (we don't really talk with each other but i didn't know what to do and she really likes him so yeah...) and all of them were quite surprised cuz they thought that our relationship was going very well. Actually I was surprised myself and the fact that i suddenly started considering it made me feel uneasy.
But what happend? Well...nothing. Everything was the same as always. We were still talking with each other, laughing, joking, meeting, going to the gym together etc. The only thing that's changed was my attitude. I started noticing small things that annoyed me in him quite a long time ago but it wasn't that important for me then, however, that week it turned into something that I couldn't just turn a blind eye at. Literally everything was making be sick. I used to like his voice, laugh, smile, his jokes and words that he used but at some point it all became extremly annoying. Every time he messaged me I would roll my eyes and view them after hours, reply with a short message so it would be hard for him to start a conversation or I would just leave his messages without responding. I started to prefer to go to the gym alone, I avoided meeting as much as I could and if he was literally begging for a meeting I would just meet with for like an hour or two but the way he walks is sth that makes my blood boil, the stories he tells me are completly unimportant for me and I just feel like I don't care about him at all.
Obviously I couldn't hide it or keep to myself so I asked his for some space and started thinking deeply about it. Like if it was just a bad week? Maybe my period was about to start or I was just tired cuz of school, exams and stuff. But a week has passed and everything remained unchanged. So after consulting it with a few trusted people I decided that there was no point in continuing this relationship cuz I was just hurting him. I told him that i wanted to meet and obviously he knew what was going on and asked me if i was goint to break up with him. We started texting about it then it turned into a phone call and next day we didn't talk with each other at all. That day we both knew that it was over. The only thing that was left to do was a meeting in person to not end it officially over a text. I spent that day studying and in the evening I posted an instagram story with a picture of my calculation which looked insane. A couple of people responded to it and one of them was a boy which I really liked for like 3 years.
We were in the same class for a year but then went to different ones still keeping in touch. We were talking every day about everything and nothing. Sometimes he acted weird and I had mixed feeling about him and even some of my friends were telling me that he was not a good person for me and that he was childlish (he somehow was but I didnt mind it, it was cute and also sometimes I felt like he was more mature than I was...he hated loosing and was always making a fuss over it but also had a good view on important stuff but that's not really important rn) I was never bored with him, he would always make me smile and feel special. During lockdown we meet at my house and spent that day laying in bed while listening to my teachers lectures (he skipped his classes). That day felt like a dream...especially the moment when we were laying in bed cuddled or the one when we hugged as a goodbye. That was sth that I will never forget. After some time I got into an ED and became too self-conscious to be around people. I started to feel like he was just making fun of me and he didn't actually like me. I thought that I was just being delusional about him liking me and his jokes were hurting me instead of making me laugh as before and eventually we had a little argument about sth totally not serious and that's how out situationship(?) ended.
Anyway, we started texting and I began to feel these butterflies in my stomach again. We spent HOURS texting and I didn't even care that I got 2h of sleep cuz of that. I was just so happy to be able to have a conversation with him. He talked about how it was before and he told me that he really liked me and it wasn't just me who felt like that. We talked about how great it would be if we continued our relationship and if at least one of us was brave enough to ask the other one out. We agreed that maybe we could go back to how it was and made plans to go eat pizza together or sth. At that time I didn't feel like I had a bf cuz we agreed to break up and was going to make it official the next day...However, when we met we had a converation and he ended up crying and asking me to give it some more thoughs...I was against it and I told him that I gave it a lot of thoughs and it was over for mr, that I felt nothing towards him. In the end he convinced me and we agreed to give it one more chance.
After that I told him about he guy that I was texting and that we made plans and stuff. Obviously he wasnt hapy about it but said that if I blocked him everything would be fine. So I did it, I blocked him and tbh I still regret it. Maybe I just think about the good times and it wouldn't work out with that guy but still...I wish I broke up with him then instead of agreeing to continue.
The only thing that is currently stopping me from breaking up with him for good is that that he is having his final exams in a month and birthday in like two weeks. I just cannot do it to him rn. I can't potentially ruin his future cuz he'd be sad and fail or sth. I just have to wait.
Well maybe there's another thing that stoppes me. He really loves me. I can clearly see it...he is a really lovely, understading and carrying person. I should call myself lucky for fiding someone like him. He's liked me for years even at the time when I liked the other guy.
I feel horrible cuz of this whole situaltion especially because I always thought that I would be the one who would have the heart broken. I thought that if I found the right person I would be happy and I would only like them without any serious doubts. Honestly I dont think he's the one. I've never felt the butterflies when I was with him, I often look at other boys and think how great my life could be if I were with them instead. I know that I am a bad person. Like a really bad one...but I can't do anything about it. I just dont like him. I don't care about his day, I dont want to hear his stories, his laugh annoys me, his jokes are not funny, every time he textes me my mood is ruined and the fact that he asks me to meet all the time is making me super mad. I can't stand the face that he makes when he works out, he's also almost the same height as me so I always have to worry about the shoes that I wear and feel embarased about the fact that he's skinnier then me. I'm not fat. He's just super skinny. When people ask me to show them a picture of him I feel uncomfortable and I just show them one of two where I like how he looks like.
Only now when I'm writing it I realize how far it has already gone. I really should have broken up with him then. Now I have to wait...but how long should I? Should I break up with him as soon as he finishes his exams? There won't be a good time for that but I don't want to cause him too much trouble. Oh and I forgot to mention that our mothers know each other and that our brothers are in the same class and that I'm going on holidays with his cousin :))
Maybe I only think like that cuz we haven't see each other for a few days or maybe cuz I cant stop thinking about the other guy but it seems like I actually dont like him. We also have different plans for the future. He wants to go and study in city A and i want to go to city B (they are really far away from each other) and it's not like I'm willing to change my plans. I've been wanting to go there for years...ever since remember I've always dreamed of studying there...
I just keep thinking when were gonna break up and what I'm going to do after than. The thing that really worries me is that I may not find anyone as lovely as him. He's a really good person and I dont like the idea of breaking his heart but I just cant pretend that he's the one for me.
But seriously...what if I don't find anyone and I'll stay alone forever? What if i'll regret breaking up with him for the rest of my life? I know that I'm selfish but idk what to do...I really don't want him to be sad but it's not because I care about him...that's just how I am. I always try to be nice and help everyone. Ive always considered myself as a good person and I kinda still believe that I am one. I just ended up in a relationship which is one-sided and I'm not the one who is in love. I wanted to believe that I was but I'm pretty sure that I'm not...there was that honeymoon phase but it's already ended quite a long time ago (probably).
It's actually pretty draining...knowing that I'm the bad one here and I have to pretend for at least a month. I really don't want to do that. I wish he was the bad one. I wish he was a bad person, that he didnt care about me, that he would cheat or sth and that I had a reason to end it. Or more like I wish it could be him that ends it. I'm scared of the regret that I might stay with.
Can anyone share their opinion about it? Maybe someone was in a similar situation? What am I supposted to do? Am I just saying that in a heat of the moment? (I dont think so but I cannot be sure)
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You two are likely young. Yes break up with him. I mention you two are likely young because it sounds like he has not matured enough for a relationship. Allow me to explain what I just said. If you are becoming annoyed by his attention it’s because he’s giving you to much which makes him look needy. You don’t want to hurt him so you don’t break up with him but what you’re not understanding is that he needs you to breakup with him. He needs that hurt. You mentioned his height and weight but in reality that doesn’t matter to you. What really matters is you don’t have an emotional connection with him. You need to cut it off honestly he needs you to cut it off.
ReplyBut when should I do it? Right after his exams? Or maybe I should wait a lil bit longer…?
ReplyOn one hand you want to break up with him and on the other hand you want to keep him in case you don't meet anyone who is better. If we all thought like this no one would ever break up with anyone. I hope you don't find someone who you dislike more. It looks like this relationship has run its course so ditch him as a boyfriend and keep him in the friend zone. Then you still have him around just in case you don't meet anyone who you like, and you are free to be with other guys.
ReplyOh my goodness😭😭that’s so idk… it’s such a sad and horrible thing to do
Reply