Caught in a dilemma, overwhelmed with a sense of hopelessness, and uncertain of the remedy to this situation.

Greetings to everyone currently reading this. I am brand new to this site, and I am incredibly thankful to have stumbled upon it by chance. I have been searching for a platform where I can speak my mind, seek advice, and release some pent-up toxic emotions. I'll strive to share my story without turning it into a novel.

To kick things off, my current situation is really stressing me out. I'm overwhelmed with doubts, guilt, and anger. When you're stuck in a problem, it's tough to see any positivity or solutions to fix it. So here I am, hoping that my story will reach those who can relate and maybe even share some advice because I am at a total loss.

I'm a 38-year-old stay-at-home mom to a wonderful 10-year-old boy whom I adore. I've been with his father for nearly 13 years, but our relationship has deteriorated over time. Since our son was born, there's been a lot of hurt, resentment, and disconnect between us. We're typically a peaceful couple, but when we do argue, it's intense and rare. I tend to avoid confrontation due to a lack of assertiveness and past traumas, preferring to let my partner express frustrations while I internalize. However, I often feel invalidated when it's my turn to speak. Despite recognizing these issues, leaving isn't straightforward due to financial constraints, fear, and uncertainty about what steps to take. I live two hours away from the city and don't drive due to my mental disabilities: depression and extreme panic disorder. Since having our child, my anxiety has escalated, keeping me mostly at home where I don't work. My child's father is the sole breadwinner, and I appreciate him for that. While I can't contribute financially, I manage the household to ease the burden. Although I feel guilty, he's never made it an issue. My concern lies in how he treats our son. It hurts to see our child scared and anxious around his own father, who also battles mental disorders, including bipolar schizophrenia.

Our relationship lacks romance; we're like cohabiting roommates at the coparenting stage. He refuses medication for his mental disability, resulting in increasing anger, often directed at me and our son. Our conversations are predominantly negative, with him venting frustrations while I absorb them. It feels draining and unfair to me.

My mental health is declining, struggling to be strong for my family amidst toxicity. I can't stay with someone who's always angry and cruel to our son. I need to leave for a safe environment, but I'm lost with nowhere to turn. My family overseas retired, leaving me confounded..