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I think life's gonna get sad down the road, as I get older. I don't wanna do this anymore. It's hard to come to senses with the fact that I got chosen to live here on this planet out of all the places. And there's gotta be much more, right? I often try to envision the future of our earth, and good God, it makes me afraid to think of all the possible outcomes and leaves me wishing I would be dead... 'cause yeah, I think this planet is bound to doom eventually... and isn't that sad? How it all gets forgotten after all we've been through. Sometimes it feels unreal to think about it... how far we have come. And I think on my life and I cannot yet comprehend how I was a kid before getting carried away only to realize after that I was going to lose everyone I love. To me, things have a way to work around, but I cannot predict the future and I'm left with the feeling of having to wait until they hopefully do. Because to me many things in life, including love, come once in a lifetime. However, I been getting stabbed from every angle lately and I've been getting sadder, more lonely and empty because I'm realizing I'm getting as old as some of the people I watch their content when they were a certain age, and now I'm their age. Today wasn't as bad as I thought, but I need to say that today's gonna suck or otherwise this weird oppositiveness life has wouldn't want to prove me wrong, and therefore life would indeed suck. Yesterday someone was bad to me, and I woke up the next morning and took a big shit in their name, 'cause damn, but I'm sick of these doubters and slavers who think they have the right to basically take any flaw from your body or being and catalogue it as wicked or mentally insane, therefore they are gonna act like you are a crazie and try to live their whole lives trying for you to get mad enough so they can put you in a mental institution... while they get love from their families and people around them, and you are like the only person who knows they are scum. Whatever, I understand myself. I'm just tired of alarms and surprises and things I can't predict in my life... like for example I imagine how my mom is gonna die and that makes me so scared. However, that's enough for now.
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