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A co-worker is currently dealing with something. She was out for a few days, which isn't like her. Our boss knows what's going on with her but of course, it's not anyone's business what's going on in her personal life so I wouldn't dare ask--we are in a professional corporate work environment and do not gossip here. We care about each other. When she came back, she said that it wasn't a physical illness but I could tell she had been crying for the days she was out. I understand minding my own business but I also care about peoples' well-being. I was thinking about checking in with her on Monday but I don't know if I should ask if she's okay or leave it alone. I don't expect details and I understand that co-workers are not considered friends but if she's going through something, I would like her to know that she has an additional ear if she needs it. I don't think it's self harm or chronic depression or anything like that but it's definitely something deeply emotional. Mainly, I want to ask if her family is okay. Like I said, I don't need details, I just want to extend compassion. Do I ask?
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I decided to give myself my own advice. After I typed this, I gained some clarity by asking myself what I would tell someone with this question. I've concluded that as long as our boss knows what's going on, that's all that matters. People go through life and work is the LAST place where you want your pain to be exposed. It may be a fear that someone will ask. Maybe she wants to deal with it privately and not feel pressured to talk about it. She may dread having to relay the trauma if someone asks. Since she's obligated to be here at work and this isn't my personal friend, I find it best to leave it alone. Unless she actively crying in front of me, I'm not going to ask about her private life. Our boss is the additional ear should she choose to take it. It's not my place to ask. I'll be courteous in my understanding that she has something going on but I won't draw attention to it if she doesn't welcome me to.
ReplyNo. Do not ask her unless she is your intimate partner and the 2 of you are in a committed relationship. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
Mary, Mother of Christ, intercede for us with your prayers, now, and always.
And after our worst deeds - never forget God forgives us when we repent through Christ Jesus.
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