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I wrote something yesterday that captures my grief: "I had a moment of profoundly mixed feelings yesterday because I realized that all my time in the virtual world looking for attention, validation, and sex from women only resulted in reciprocation by disgusting wretches whose ugliness offends my pride. The only thing I've observed more hideous than these ogre-like creatures is my own desperation and loneliness in countenancing their interest."
To be fair, this is only in the realm of "online hookups," and i don't even want to hookup with anyone, let alone the goblins that want to entertain me, but I have a really hard time going outside and meeting people. My thought process was "Gee, a wife will take forever to find. Maybe I can have some fun before then," but wow, I am disturbed and appalled by the quality of individual willing to indulge me. Seriously, man, this is bogus as hell if those troglodytes are my only option. I'd rather just be alone. I low-key want to give up on any sort of relationship with a woman so I can not experience negative feelings in this area of my life ever again, but this capricious pile of flesh I have as a body won't just let me chill out. I know I shouldn't give up on the whole of life for the sake of a few interactions in the fake virtual world. It just haunts me to feel like I'm apparently a bottom-of-the-barrel dude as far as appearances go. I feel exhausted and ashamed of myself.
For the next 10 days, I will be a He-Man Woman Hater. I'll be mad, I'll probably cry, and I'll do a little trolling online before I get over myself and go back to being a hermit.
Matthew 19:11-12 <-- a bible verse for these trying times
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By design, hooking up with people outside of a committed relationship based on mutual trust, mutual love and mutual respect, this type of hooking up comes with high risk of STDs and unplanned pregnancies.
In my humble observation - great places to meet someone with whom you share common interests are learning institutions, volunteer opportunities, hobbyist meetings, sports leagues, and religious centers. These relationships have hope of then blossoming into a committed relationship. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
Mary, Mother of Christ, intercede for us with your prayers, now, and always.
And after our worst deeds - never forget God forgives us when we repent through Christ Jesus.
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