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I want my brain to stop forcing me to believe my friends all secretly hate me.
2 weeks ago · 3 · Need Advice, +2 · Explicit
84
Why can't I just enjoy having friends for the first time in over 20 years? It's been hard enough for me to find friends as an autistic adult, and despite how well things have gone for a fair amount of time now, my trauma-riddled psychotic autism brain wants to ruin everything for me.
I've asked my friends fairly often, especially of late, for assurance that if I did something wrong they would tell me. They have told me that they would be honest with me, but then my brain has to overanalyse everything and tell me that they hate me. I can't tell what anything is when I have a psychotic episode. I can't even tell now when I'm probably more "lucid".
I'm getting treatment for my mental illness and have been for a bit, but fuck, I am so tired.
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You may write it down , take a few deep breaths, one thing that you can try is to not think in a negative spot. Example, how do you think about yourself? If you are generally a good person, don't worry , that's how they see you. If they see you badly , let them go , don't hold on to what people think , you can consider the thought, but it's not you . If they did outright said they dislike ya , let them go , that's them not you as well.
ReplyDon't sweat it. Suppose if they end up ghosting you would that really be the end of the world? Of course not. Take them at their word for now that they'll tell you if you do something wrong. If they ignore or avoid you then that might be a sign something is up. But try not to worry so much. They shouldn't have any reason to hate you.
ReplyYou are having a negative reaction to having friends after all of this time which is normal. You can't believe that they like you so you bring your autism into it and ask them to tell you if you do something wrong to keep them around and then you want to believe they hate you. When you have been friends with them for some time you will become accustomed to them and feel comfortable with them. Don't worry because this will take time for you to adjust and then you will be okay. I don't have autism but if I hadn't had friends for twenty years and then had them I would be like you as well.
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