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I wish that there was someone I could talk to openly, without the fear of being judged. I suffer from severe depression and I have been seeing a therapist for at least a year now but I don't feel like they actually get me and I can't really open up to them entirely.
I don't have many friends, and the few that I have I am not comfortable opening up to them. There is one friend whom I talk to and feel I can share more than I do with others, but often times I tell them some of my darkest thoughts in a joking manner as I do not want to make them feel uncomfortable.
As for my family, well I guess much of my depression has come from them. My parents love me but I feel their love is not unconditional, as I think that if I fail in life I will not have their support. They have always pushed me to aim high in life and I have, but I never felt that they would provide me with a safety net in case I fall. In recent years I might have been climbing the steepest mountain of my life and now I am getting tired. But I know that if I let go there will be no safety net. It will be the hardest fall and honestly, I don't think I will survive this fall.
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You brought up a funny irony... The more people know us, the less we can tell them. It's because they're too close to the subject, personally invested so to speak. Like you, I can't tell my parents the truth because they'll interpret everything in terms of how it affects them & the family. Same with friends to a lesser degree.
For example, you can't reveal suicidal feelings to any close loved one because it'll change the way they act toward you. In extreme cases, they'll meddle in your life (force you to do things that may not be best), when all you really needed was to express your honest feelings for a minute.
Well for what it's worth, there's always the anonymity of the internet? But then you run into the opposite problem... We don't know each other at all, so it's hard to get a grip on what's really happening beyond the words on a screen. I don't know the answer... Bottling it up isn't working...
ReplyWhen life gets tough, remember that there are always beautiful things around us to be grateful for. The vibrant colors of the sky, the chirping of birds and the gentle caress of a warm breeze.They are all precious gifts that we should cherish and hold on to.Even in life's darkest moments, there is always something worth living for. Survival is not about reaching the top or being the best; it's about overcoming obstacles, learning from our failures, and finding reasons to keep going. So don't give up, because even in the midst of our struggles, there is always hope. Embrace the journey, and trust that everything is happening for a reason. So hold on, hold on tight, and don't let go - better days are just around the corner!
P.S :You can share your feelings over here without being judged . So if anything bothers you , unburden yourself here <3
ReplyWell I do agree with one of the comments below. The closer you are to someone, sometimes it is harder to open up to them fully and just be vulnerable, but a person has once told me that if we never try how will we ever know who will be actually there to listen and be there for us and even support us when we fall? I know it sounds scary, but the next time, we will know who really listens and is willing to stay through thick and thin with us. Well it is true that seeing a therapist might help, but I guess only to certain extent, and I don't know, but I hope you won't bottle up your feelings or even sweep them under the rug under the pretense of just wanting to be okay. Feelings should be acknowledged and no matter how hurtful they are and how long it takes for them to go away, it is much better to know and acknowledge that you feel that certain way, but also don't drown yourself to the feeling of despair. I am not trying to tell you what to do, I am trying to tell you that this is what I have done before and in times I feel like I need it. There are also times where I relapse and go back to square one, and it hurts because it feels like there has been no progress at all, but looking back, I now realized how far I have come. I hope you realize it too for yourself and please remember that your existence in this world means so much even if you doubt it at times or just don't see the point of it...I hope you get through this :)
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