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I like to sit alone with my thoughts
I like to listen to the steady flow of air conditioning on a day so unnecessary
I like to look out the window at the perfect blue sky
I like to feel calm and at peace with my body
Yes, I like to sit alone with my thoughts
Sometimes I feel as though no one understands me
Maybe I'm just dramatic, Lord knows that to be true
Maybe I'm just attention-seeking for my brain cannot stimulate itself alone
Maybe I'm just in denial, working through the 5 stages of grief from an absent trauma
But, sometimes I feel as though no one understands me
I hope, one day, those I love will forget me
I hope they will move on and flourish in their lives
I hope they will stop caring about me, not because I don't love them, and not because I don't wish for them to be with me for the rest of my life, but because no matter how worthy I think myself to be, I will never give enough and I will always cause pain
So, I hope, one day, those I love will forget me
I wish to leave
I don't wish to die, or harm myself in any way
But I wish to set off on a journey
I wish to walk every day, and every night, until there is no ground untouched
I wish to conquer every land, if only in my mind, and appreciate the knowledge of our world
I wish to find a place where they have peach iced tea, Sunday barbeques after a long day of church, Friday night football, county fairs, neighborhood pig roasts, and Southern drawls so strong I no longer feel the need to hide mine
Though I know I can't, I wish to leave
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You will wish your life away. (An old saying.)
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