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Love this website and and its creators and all of YOUs <3 check out how school destroyed me completely if u want...
7 years ago · 0 · School, +3
1352
until age of 5; happy child;grew up with parents and little brother; very chatty; loud; normal; talktive; nice and always had friends (childhood friends; neighbour's friends) whom i played all kinds of childhood games (hide-seek, rope-jumping, whatever) ; NEVER shy, i felt super-calm and loud wherever i went and ppl used to love me; they used to think i was the most beautiful child in this early 2000s. kindergarden; singing class, piano class, karate class, summer holiday camps; i made everyone remember my name and my face and how outgoing and a healthy child i was, expressing all my opinions whenever, wherever and however i wanted.
but at the age 6 i came to realization that all this was beautiful dream or a gr8 vision, when i went to first grade and finally found out what school was; i was def. terrified the first time. no idea why mom left me there with other well-dressed kids and why my dad was filming this as if this was a miracle, it was hell for me. ever since then. the nightmare continues. bullies, weak children (i dont even know why i got there) and middle children whom no one gave a f#ck about and i will explain why i hated THEM the most.
i made friends with only one girl after 2nd grade whom i never noticed at 1st grade and we've been friends until the age of 12 (BEST FRIENDS) until some other girl (she was wealthy) took her away from me.
those middle-children never came to help the weakest of us. never cared about bullies who somehow rarely bullied them and instead they chose people like ME. i have always been shy, quiet type and very different from what my childhood type was. there were teachers crying. some teachers being mean, bullies were laughing at me, hitting me with iron bars. when i moved to another grade i was almost killed like that, but survived...
so this is what shaped me into a modern shy, quiet girl whom i NEVER WAS and NEVER WANTED TO BE.
i cry deeply about what i had as a child and how i lost it, not about what i NEVER Had and if u listen closely here: i wanna say that this IS the worst pain; LOSING SOMETHING; SOMEONE that used to be sooo gr8 and NOTHING can replace it or change it OR make it better. IT DOES NOT GET BETTER.
im turning 20 next year and already HATING adult life. HATING society; social life; social people; TALKTIVE PEOPLE. its NOT about my looks which are all taken care of, not about my think body (i hate it anyway cause i was never tall, i was often bullied by tall girls, and ive been jealous of them since then...) or my hair or symmetrical face. a person can be the richest prettiest whoever she / he is and still be shy and often talk like mentally ill person or some1 with dissability. and while this is not my problem. i have awful extreme shyness where i often forget what i need to say (even though i have great memory that goes back to the age of 1) and stumble my words and turn red which causes people to feel unseasy and walk away...
when my mom tells me im pretty; all i see in the mirror is a short brown haired little crow-like creature with a pale face who looks and acts different. i can not believe im the same talking girl as a child even though my appearance has not changed much. my way of communication did.
thanx to school. i will for-ever be the shy nobody of social groups.
i just HATE society; i hate people; but i will ways love my parents who love me today and understand me. esp. mom, i love my relatives; i love my home; i love all activities and traveling and i would love to make friends with someone again cause i never had a friend for ages which makes me HATE the idea of friendship and no idea what friendship really is. i love animals who feel my pain and some RARE people who might feel my pain. i love humanity and kind world, the earth; all sorts of sports even though i quit all of them because im not a sporty person. like i said; id love to travel EVEN if i adore my home and family and being an introvert.
but again. i HATE schools, societies, clubs, restaurants, smokers, gross adults, talk-shows, media, fashion industry, makeup artists, scientists who abuse animals and some humans, people who pollute the earth, technology lovers who are too extreme about their new phones and sometimes they adore a peace of metal or wood more than a human soul/body. i hate girls who talk only about bodies, makeup, hair and talk TO ME about it when there are many gr8 topics to discuss.
=( there is no point in living. school screwed me up and now im sitting watching how others have it all. and how i used to have it aswell, long time ago...
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