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I've come on this site lots of time and I don't think I've felt as sad as I do rn.
So I'm the oldest of four with hazardously strict parents, I have expectations that are high for me to meet. I have amazing cousins who do well, married, good grades and I am instantly made to feel like I have to one up them. I don't have real friends tbh they're fake. I'm what you call the "smart kid" ALWAYS deemed to be proud and to be a show off. I can't even talk to anyone anymore.
My 'mother' makes me feel like shit. Always blaming me for things my siblings do, indirectly calling me a witch. She literally said to me 'I do not know if I should call you stupid', 'Who knows? Maybe your negative words are the reason the family is not working out', 'Your grades are good but you need to do better, you're just a local champion'.
I have a big exam later on today, it's currently 2:07am, the exam is gonna take me 7hours so yeah, basically the time I need to sleep. I've been awake since 8am, 25/04/24 reading just so I meet her expectations. I haven't shut my eyelids once and she yells at me because my siblings messed up the living room.
I'm reconsidering everything now, I don't fucking anymore, I might as well just kill myself, there's nothing what living for, and they would probably be happy there's one less of mouths to feed.
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Don't give up. We all fall, hit low points, but it takes strength and courage to get back up, and not remain at our rock bottom. Some parents are super frustrated with all their kids, so have some patience with your mom because all the pressure and responsibility of children can make parents lash out and not realize the harm they do. Stay focused on your short term and long term goals. And before you know it you will be past all of this. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
Mary, Mother of Christ, intercede for us with your prayers, now, and always.
And after our worst deeds - never forget God forgives us when we repent through Christ Jesus.
Replyty this rlly helps
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