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Will I ever get over this journal phase? Will I ever find my human journal how I can share my deep annoying late-night thoughts to and who just would not reply something as bland as hmm or you are just overthinking it.
I did love him a lot and I do not know why I am saying or thinking this right now but I always thought you know that he was the one and only for me I know he was the worst person but at least he stayed...
Have my standards gotten so low that just staying is all I need. I am so tired of being everyone’s option, to be not treated right.
I love the way I love people but will I love the person who loves like me? Unconditional love? Do I suffocate people with my love so much that they leave just to breathe a little.
When will this end, this heavy feeling in my chest that just gets heavier day by day trying to survive in this unfair world, unfair generation.
Jab sabkeee hi dil tot rhe haii, jab sabkooo hi pyaarr chahiyeee tohhh sabbb hii casuall kyu dhoondh rhe haii? Sab hii bss mtlab kyu dhoondh rhe haii logo maii? Sab hi itne selfish kyuu ho rhe haii… (translation - when everyone is heartbroken, when everyone wants love thenn why are they soo keen on having the soo called "casual relationship", Why are everyone just looking for meaning in people? Why is everyone being so selfish?)
I might never find the one for me, but I want to impact people lives, I really want to make them feel that they are not alone, that I’m the safe space for them, I will be the unstable aunt, friend, sister who has so many experience in failed love and life, I might not find the one for me, but people will always find me there for them, at the their lowest point where they are questioning everything ready to just leave everything, I will be there because I know what being alone means, knowing no one can save you but you.
Is it wrong that I think career n all are secondary and finding love is all that matters? Because I think finding love is the hardest part of the life, loving someone makes everything else so much easier, bearable. I do not want someone who loves me like I love people to be honest I have very low expectations starting with-
** Seeing me for me, not just a flesh of meat but a little girl with so many scars inside out, a girl with dark circles defining her night life, her eye roll when someone compliments because she is full of insecurities but most importantly how she will go to lengths to just make you happy, who just wants a little love because she is a total kid when she falls in love.
**To whom I remind of everything, from seeing a flower by the roadside struggling through the strong wind in autumn to a peaceful moon in the middle of the night.
I do not want much when it comes to love but maybe even asking for love is a bit much. I know I like/love the wrong people but is it wrong that I do not see them as wrong? I just see them as just another human trying their best to live happily.
I often hear from people that I will not be a good gf or maybe even wife but leave it maybe they are right after all who even as stayed to give me the BEST GF OF THE WORLD award. I am hardly a good human.
Wish I could just shut off my mind and go to sleep, but unfortunately I don’t even have control on my own body.
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