This boy is driving me crazy

I'm not usually one to crush on people, but boy, this boy at my school has my heart stirring. It's weird because when I first saw him, I never even thought I'd like him in this sort of way. He's not exactly the guy I've been dreaming of, but I'm not at all disappointed. He's short (but still taller than me), skinny, really intelligent, and he also plays a lot of video games. On top of that, he's a grade below me, although we were born in the same year. Now, I have had crushes on boys before. Usually, they were a bit taller and played a sport. They were also usually popular and had a bunch of friends, so having a crush on this type of boy was a different experience for me. What the weirdest part about it is, we have a little too much in common. I also happen to be short, a little skinny, a bit of a nerd in certain areas, and I also play a lot of video games. Not only that, we share the same values in life. We both care about family and want to be successful. The only thing is, we're both afraid of risks, so it's hard to tell if anything would ever happen between us. He's an introvert, and I struggle with a lot of anxiety.

Strangely enough, we have these moments where it can feel a little intimate. If I hadn't mentioned already before, we both happen to be close friends with one another, although I haven't had the confidence to ask him out anywhere, and I doubt he will either. We usually just hang out at school when we have time. We became closer once I got his number. Because he's introverted, I feel like it was easier for him to talk to me over text, and then he slowly became closer to me in person. We can goof off a lot, but then again we also have deep and vulnerable conversations with each other. He also tells me that I'm one of the only people he can really talk to about these sort of things, so that actually makes me feel pretty good too. He's a really empathetic person like me as well, so I think it kind of builds the trust and reliability we have for one another. I feel like we really have a good connection, even if we're just friends. It's odd because I've never really connected with a boy like this before. This was more than just liking the same things and getting along. Something about us just clicked.

Lately though, there's been some changes in behavior? One time, he sent me a winky face emoji. For context, he struggled sleeping at night, and I figured it would be nice to send him a playlist full of calm music to help him sleep. When he said he was tired, I asked him about it, and he said he was more mentally tired rather than physically tired since he actually got a good amount of sleep. After saying that he said, "I wonder why 😉" and I was quite shocked haha. That same day, he also used this blushing face emoji 😳 because I was teasing him about being a hypocrite. He also sent me some selfies of himself too, which surprises me because he's not really a person who likes to take photos of himself. Sometimes I catch him taking glances at me too, and so do my friends. There have been so many times I catch him looking at me, and he quickly looks away. I used to think I was just imagining it, but I'm not the only one who noticed it, so maybe I'm not.

Sometimes, he doesn't even shy away from the eye contact. Just today, we gazed into each other's eyes for a moment from across the room, although he kept making funny faces, so I couldn't hold it since I was laughing. Before he did that however, he just kind of had this look on his face. I don't really know how to describe it, but his head was just tilted down and he looked up at me with these eyes, kind of like the way puppies look at you when they want something, and he had his hands hiding his face. I honestly didn't even know how to react. I thought, "Should I keep staring? Should I look away? Why is he looking at me that way?" I hope that however I felt in the moment didn't show because I plummeted my head into my crossed arms on the desk right after it happened, which I usually do when I feel embarrassed. I could just be overthinking all of this, but I don't know really.

I feel like I'm living in a rom-com movie. There are things that we share just between the two of us. Like we're the two main characters in our story. However, I don't think I have the confidence to tell him how I feel, or at least not yet. I kind of just want to continue being his friend and grow closer with him because I know he's a bit uncertain with the idea of dating anybody right now. We are still a little young and we take the idea of being in a romantic relationship with somebody very seriously. Until then, I'll just be by his side as nothing more. Maybe one day I'll tell him when the time is right, but right now, I'll be patient and take as much time as I need to build the confidence to do so.

Anyway, if you read all this, I'm impressed. Thank you for taking the time to listen to my experience lol