Messing everything up

I have a problem.deep down i am kind person with good heart but i am a bad talker. Even tho i must be right i really hurt people which bothers me :( i dont want to hurt people, i don’t want to be mad at everyone or delete people from my life just because me to feel good :( but, i do i erase people from my life like nothing.when i was young i never had person in my life who really loved me,I grew up all Alone without mom or dad nearby, had to leave my friends who forgot about me. My family is too controlling forbidding me to be with my boyfriend or to have one that is why i don’t talk to them,they are too controlling spying on my everywhere like a lil girl when i am an adult. :( i feel so empty,so evil :/. Since young age i wanted to be kind and good but i messing everything up :(