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Me and my partner have been together for 8 years now.
He’s the sweetest and most caring person until he’s not.
Every time there is a slight misunderstanding between the two of us, or every time he gets mad or “not in the mood,” he tends to shout at me.
He also used to cusses me out and call me names before, that like happened more than thrice but the last was 3 years ago.
Nevertheless, the shouting and cussing are still there every time he’s angry. It makes me scared to be honest and automatically brings me to fight or flight mode.
I have discussed this with him already several time, told him that I always get triggered when he’s shouting at me (my trauma), but it still happens.
I never shouted at him once also.
Anyways, he apologizes whenever we come into good terms and says how he doesn’t mean all of that and just goes back to being the sweetest guy there is.
So there it is. I don’t know if it’s something like normal in a relationship, that maybe this is a part of it but I just really hate times that he does that.
Although I tend to forget most of the time what he did, because he becomes the most romantic boyfriend ever, until he’s not, I just don’t know.
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Some people struggle with controlling their emotions . I do too ,even get angry and say hurtful words but I never yell or use cuss words. If it's so bad that you are scared of him then it's not normal. Right now you guys aren't married so if does something more extreme you can leave the relationship easily but once you are married it's not. And he knows that too. Not saying he will be violent but should you really take the chance ? Eight years,that's a long time you invested on him but please think properly
ReplyYeap i would agree it is not so bad but still not okay too. I used shout a lot to my kids and husband, and i thought it is okay because they dont behave they way i expect. Later I started going to theraphy and I learned that there are abuser and there are people with abusive behaviours. I was the second one, i started sessions and I am getting much better than I was. The reason for me was, I was raised with yelling, shouting, hitting dysfunctional family...that all that wrong behaviour was learned by my body and i did it in my adult life unconsciously. if you want to keep being with him, you can make him go to therapy.
ReplyWith 8 years - in my humble opinion it is excellent timing to reflect on the trust the 2 of you have established, and have a deep, sincere communication. Some people will open up, some will not. If they do not, then all you can do is let love give you patience, tell them you're there whenever they're ready to talk, and that you want them to listen to you whenever you're ready. It's a 2 way street really, communication. Hopefully no therapy is needed, but of course it's also a next step if chosen. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
Mary, Mother of Christ, intercede for us with your prayers, now, and always.
And after our worst deeds - never forget God forgives us when we repent through Christ Jesus.
ReplyIf you guys have discussed this several times and it still happens, then he might need to see a therapist because that's not healthy for your relationship.
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