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I don't know how to be okay. I've gone so long living life as if there was no point, that nothing had a meaning. How can everything in life have a purpose? How can my friend who was amazing, talented, sweet, smart, and so very caring just up and kill their self because that was their "purpose"? How could my cousin fall asleep at the wheel and literally burn to death have any sort of purpose? I don't understand the world.. Everyone seems to be so positive, looking for all the beauty in the world and all I ever seem to find is disdain and contempt. I enjoy some of the people I surround myself with, but I know eventually they will be nothing but memories. I fell in love, and I've never been able to fall out of love after many years. Life seems so useless. We live only to die. Everything we do in life doesn't matter because no matter what, we all end up dead. How can I find happiness in life when all I ever feel is sadness. I've become so immune to the depression I assume everyone is like this, and then I realize they're not. Am I alone in this feeling? I don't know.
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You're not alone. Many people live lives of quiet desperation, as they say. For some it is a recurring companion that taps them on the shoulder, for others it never leaves. Yesterday I was walking through the forest and I took note of how pretty the canopy of trees was, and for a brief moment I was very happy to be alive. Try to observe joy where you can find it, and it will get better, that I promise you.
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