The Burnout Is Real

Haven't been here in a while... like 4 days; a lot for me. Had a solid few days where I thought I was enjoying life, and I kinda did, not gonna lie; but I'm pretty tired of waiting for the same streamer to watch almost every day... I think he doesn't even enjoy what he's playing anymore. You know what? I wanna take a moment to mention a few things; first of all, I've been annoyed at the fact that I have what I call "favorite things" in each category of my life, but want so badly to get rid of that preconception and put other favorite things as my favorite instead. Like for example, I used to believe my reason to live was a song, but then I made a post talking negatively about it. I have a reason why I believe in love, and that's the streamer that I mentioned earlier. I have a purpose and meaning, and that is to appreciate people and make them happy. A couple of those things I want to change, maybe not all of them, but for example I went from a song being my reason to live, to thinking my reason to live was to "make sense of the world or find a place where I belong," in my own words... and right now, I'm burnt out of life. I'm just sick of after having a good streak mentally, it's like it all crumbles and falls apart, and what I previously thought was going to be my life, never ends up happening; maybe because I'm taking my life for granted most of the times, and everyone always tells me to not take life for granted. This is going to be a long post, and it already is, but I'm used to it... I come here to express all my thoughts. My whole life revolves around technology and entertainment, and how I could find ways to keep myself not bored. I watch anime, videos, listen to music, nightcore version of songs, switch from my PC to my TV, then I use my portable speaker to listen to stuff, and so back and so forth. I just want to avoid doing nothing, because when I'm doing nothing I feel like well... I'm doing nothing, and that's not a good feeling to me. I know I should learn to take breaks, and I do so; I'm trying to be less serious about some things, like for example, how I enjoy content. The reason why I didn't come here in like 4 days, is because I finally felt happy and fulfilled for that amount of days, and right now, I feel like I'm getting back to feeling empty and devoid again. Not gonna lie, sometimes I wanted to make posts, expressing one thought or another, but when I didn't do that, and I reserved myself, I had the thought after that it could have been a mistake, like I would leave something on the internet that bothered me in the back of my head, when I could have hold on instead. And yeah, the feeling of needing to hold on didn't go away, like ever... like I still hold on to most things in life. There was once a great philosopher who spoke a lot about how we should stop thinking if we wanted to find liberation, and he lived quite the long time ago, and I don't necessarily follow his instructions... but he was also very meticulous and well spoken, and one of his ways of thinking is that "you can't try to not try, 'cause otherwise you would be trying," and that's true, but I mean... he also said things about pain, and I don't think I'm crazy when I say that, no matter how much of a philosopher you are, you wouldn't deny that the pain you feel is real. Anyways, I'm going through the rooftop with this rant. I'm probably gonna leave it there; just wanted to say, lastly, that I thought my advice for everyone when I got old was going to be: "stay busy, take breaks, and enjoy things your own way; oh, and never lose hope," but that's getting quite complicated, as to sometimes you just don't wanna do things, or live life... but maybe doing nothing is the answer, and by trying to do things all the time, I'm only stressing myself. That's all for now. Thanks for reading if you did.