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You never think that it would be you. And you sneer at the unfaithful stories that are passed around the dining table, laugh at the stupidity of the fact, condescend to those who've admitted their own misjudgement - they're a cheat. It's the most duplicitous act a person is within their legal rights to do and become.
It didn't start with me wanting to have feelings for someone or seeking them out - somehow, I think that makes me worse than other people who do the same. You know, some of those people, they know that they're the type and don't recline their nature. Me, I just didn't fight it at all. I knew from the second I saw her that I would do anything to see her again.
While we never did anything physical, not even an innocent hand-hold, I could bare my heart and say that I loved 'the other woman' wholeheartedly. And I shut out my emotions because of it along with my ex-girlfriend. I would spend hours talking with her about my life, divulging things I had never thought to cast a light upon in my relationship at the time.
And there will never be enough sorries I could prescribe to my ex-girlfriend. We broke up because both girls issued me the same ultimatum: It's either me or her. In my lack of critical thinking, I dragged the process along until both girls had taken their respective time away to think to themselves. I opened myself up to scrutiny and wondered why they wouldn't just walk away.
It's only recently that I realised that they loved me and I loved them. I loved them both: for my ex-girlfriends trite inquisitions and blunt mannerisms, always the most beautiful girl in the room with the intelligence to match; and my sweet girl, who would look at me and partition her lips, so demure, fascinating and unaware of how generally striking she was to behold.
I ended things with my girlfriend seeing as I couldn't pressurise each of us in a way that would be healthy nor sustaining. I told her that the worst thing I ever did, I did to her. Though at this moment, I haven't thrown myself into anything quite yet with the girl who owns my every thought and behaviour - I have taken this time to myself to reflect on my past relationship and try to understand myself enough to ensure that this won't happen again.
Quite frankly, I've recognised a pattern in my relationships, though it's never been as serious as this. I want to be able to love somebody and not worry about the possibility of loving anybody else - as well as the obvious fact that I don't want to ruin the important relationship that I might be in next. It might have been what I was but it's not who I want to be.
How can I make sure that I can uphold the integrity of my relationships? I want to be able to become trustworthy to my partner. Is there any way to build the strength of character it takes to know that you have a good thing without hesitation?
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Trust is earned for each person. Find a suitable breeding partner to your liking and make at least two to three children to raise sustainably. Best wishes.
ReplyIn romantic love, there are no guarantees. Mutual love, respect, and trust take time to develop, since they must be earned and not given. And hopefully this evolves naturally - to marriage and a family, at which point your life is consumed, in theory leaving no time for infidelity, in theory.
As for upholding the integrity of your relationship - the 2 of you together should accept the fact that temptation is everywhere, but that your love is strong enough to stay true to each other.
Of course we are human, which is why forgive each other with consequences, and move on together or in separate ways, if we fall. I hope this helps.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
Mary, Mother of Christ, intercede for us with your prayers, now, and always.
And after our worst deeds - never forget God forgives us when we repent through Christ Jesus, when we change our minds and our actions.
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