What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
i recently got out of my first ever relationship (i am 19 years old) we had known each other for two, almost three years and dated for about 4 months. we were in a long distance relationship and i had met him online, we ended up meeting up for about two weeks about a month into the relationship. after we met up and he went back home things started to fall apart, he would never make time for me anymore and we were not being intimate at all, we ended up breaking up a month later. he ended up breaking up with me and told me that “he wasn’t ready for a relationship” and he had “commitment issues” (he made the first move btw). i had asked him if we could talk it over on a call and work it out because i was very serious about being with him and i really wanted to try to make it work. we went on call and he explained to me that he goes through these periods of time were he loses interest in the relationship and the person. we talked for about two hours and came to the conclusion that we still very much wanted to be with each other, so we decided to give it another try. we tried to rekindle what we had, and things were going pretty well, we were being intimate and communication was improving a lot, he even thought so too. about another month later i was telling him how much i missed him, he didn’t say it back so i asked him if he missed me too, he said he did but it was hard for him to share those kinds of feelings given the situation. i asked him if he still wanted to be with me and he ended up asking for time to make the decision, i ended up telling him that i didn’t want to do this anymore, (i was acting on impulse because i was very hurt at the time) even though i still wanted to try. he even told me that all of the feelings that had built up for me during us trying to rekindle it were dispersed, so were they even real in the first place if they just all left so quickly? so we said our goodbyes again and ended it, we ended up going no contact for about a day and it was extremely hard for me. i ended up contacting him as a last goodbye because when we were breaking up i had said some in the moment stuff that i wasn’t proud of, because i was hurt and confused. he ended up contacting me about 5 hours later telling me that after thinking about it, he still wanted to make things work and that this attraction he felt towards me was different. he told me that he missed me all day and that usually when he unintentionally detaches from a relationship he never feels the way he felt for ours. he told me “the attraction i had for you was clear the moment i woke up”. so we called again to see our options and came to the conclusion that we still wanted to try, and that we at least wanted to meet up again and see if that attraction was still there. he kept telling me how much he wants to hold me and be with me, even planning out a date i had in mind from the start of our relationship, and then the next day tells me that he shouldn’t have said that we should meet up, because he had talked to others and they told him that it was best for him to work on himself outside of a relationship. so we ended it once more, i am confused because he says he wants to be with me but not in a relationship because he wants to work on himself. i really want him to be happy and healthy, so this is for the best. this is where i am at now. i am writing this because i really need help, i don’t know how to heal and forget him (he was many of my firsts). and i can’t but hope that when he is healed he would still want to be with me. how do i get rid of that hoping and waiting? i don't deserve that by any means but i don't know how to stop myself from waiting for him. i think why i'm thinking like this is because of some of the things he said when we were breaking up. he told me that he wants to be with me and if it was up to him he would choose to be with me and that he didn’t want it to come down to this, i am all for healing and being mentally stable but why would he even mention this? it’s just making me feel like i should wait for him when i shouldn’t. he even called me a pet name that he only ever used once at the start of the relationship when we were breaking up when he was telling me that he still wanted to be with me. calling me his sunbeam. but i'm not his? i don’t understand why he said this, he also said never forget me and that “never forget #1”, as in never forget he’s my first. but that’s not healthy? why would i keep thinking about you and not forget about you when i should and when i'm in a whole other relationship? from what i’ve heard online this is a tactic that men use. they keep you around and say they aren’t ready until a woman that they are ready for comes around. i don’t feel like he would ever do that, which is why letting him go is so hard. his feelings felt so real and i can’t stop myself from thinking that they are not. even when we tried to make things work he told me that he was willing to change things that i had asked to be changed, even told me he was going to show me more effort (he even started to exhibit these behaviors). i also told him that even though we are in no contact he is always welcome to reconnect with me later on, as much as i want that to be the case i should not have said that because now it has me hoping and waiting for him. it’s all really confusing and i don’t even know what to feel. if you have been in a situation like this can you please tell me how you got over that period of feeling like you have to wait for them instead of moving on and how you even got over a person who showed you so many great things, like how it feels to be loved. i have already taken the step in removing him completely from my life, (no contact, getting rid of everything he has ever given or sent me) but everything still reminds me of him. it’s confusing because i changed so much of myself for him, only for him to still not want to be with me, that means that he truly doesn’t want to be with me right? but what even made him attracted to me in the first place? was i a rebound? i showed him so much love and kindness and willingness to make it work, but nothing. i don’t even know what i'm feeling right now, i have no hard feelings against him because i really want him to be in a good place mentally. I’m just confused why we even got together if he wasn’t ready, what does that mean? so if you guys could please give me advice that would be greatly appreciated.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
Goshh. x| NLT Life Application Study Bible, 3rd Edition
Okay, I am thinking of buying a study Bible life application because atm… Idk what is pushing me to read it but somehow I want to read the Bible and I like hi...
-
My cat
I just learned that my cat knows how to use the dog door. I’m scared that one day he’ll get hurt or never comes home again. He is my best friend and I can...
Long distance relationships have a very difficult time thriving, because the elements of space and time are missing. But, no relationship is perfect. In my humble experience, timing is everything... in everything. A committed relationship built on mutual trust, love and respect usually, not always, but usually evolves to the next step until one day there is marriage and a family. Some people aren't ready for marriage and a family (usually men). Therefore the ultimate test is whether a man asks you to marry him, but, it's on the woman to set boundaries and time limits as to how much time she is going to invest - waiting. As for getting over the heart break - volunteer opportunities, taking classes, joining a sports league, picking up a new hobby - these are some things that help move you forward. I hope this helps.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
Mary, Mother of Christ, intercede for us with your prayers, now, and always.
And after our worst deeds - never forget God forgives us when we repent through Christ Jesus, when we change our minds and our actions.
Reply