Please tell me who is the A-hole that split this family

Hello,

Please tell me who is the A-hole that split this family?

As per usual, there will be a bit of setting up, but I will try to keep it to a minimum, but you will need a bit of info.

Amway, we will start with a family of five brothers and sisters,there are no kids in this story, everyone is old enough to be parents and some grandparents.

This story should be fully accurate, as a lot of the problems happened on text, which I still have, so some things will me a direct quote, not just a guess, I can paste and copy here the actual words typed.

So, the five, from oldest to youngest Older Sis, Medium Sis and Young Sis, then Brother, then me., yes,I’m the baby of the family and yet I’m no baby myself.

So, to begin, as I said we all have kids, Older Sis has four boys.

The oldest of which, kind of went a bit astray I think., or lived an alternate lifestyle. He did get involved in drugs and drink and, whatever. I don’t really know as our family move about so much I lost touch with him years and years ago.

Anyway, one day he was found dead in his flat in the South of England, I don’t even really know the official cause, drink and drugs, I suppose.

So, there was a funeral and a lot of the family attended.

All normal so far.

Months and months after the funeral, after his remains had been cremated. OlderSis (who was his mother), decided to have family get together to spread his ashes, in a place that he really liked.

A beach, a nice beach. In Ireland , he had been there many times, and the water could carry him away.

I want to point out here that this is all in Europe, as there’s a few countries involved.

Anyway, Older Sis had the idea to gather the family and all their kids together on a certain day at the beach, where they could lay flowers and read poems or whatever really and the ashes could be sprinkled in the sea, by anyone who wanted in the group.

After which she had arranged a catering company to provide food and service at pub nearby.

Fairly lavish actually as she spent 1,700 euro on this catering, and that’s a lot. It really is.

And then maybe afterwards some drinks and the family could sit around and talk about the son who had died, what they remembered, or stories etc.

All good so far, all good, I think it was a good idea.

And so, a date was set, and the family were notified, so for this to happen as it was to take place in Ireland., some people lived nearby, like her,but others were at the other end of the country, and some were in other countries, like England and Portugal.

So, some travel was needed and arranging places to stay and renting rooms or houses etc,

And of course, this was at the time of the dreaded Covid 19. although the vaccinations had started.

So, the organisation began.

A month or so before that I was in the north of Africa, with my own family. My wife, me and 3 teenage kids.

Unfortunately, that’s where I myself caught Covid.I’m not sure if it was there or in one of the airports, it’s impossible to say. But I did have it, it was mild enough, it just made me a bit tired really.

Then, well my wife caught it, from me I recon, but the kids didn’t.

We were isolating at home, and trying to manage it.

So now were all back in Ireland isolating, I told my boss at work, and I had to stay of for another week.

No problem, it all went well, and yes, I got through it, no bother really and eventually I was back at work.

All this time the organisation for the family get together had still been progressing.

There was now a Family WhatsApp group made to keep everyone informed.

And I thought things were going well, I had typed a few things to them from time to time. just jokes and rubbish, as I do.

But we were finding it exceedingly difficult to get a room or small cottage to stay in up in that part of Ireland, at that time.

I had mentioned this to Older Sis, and she could help and said she had a great place for all the kids to stay together, and there would be a fair few of them.

But, as she was explaining room and house arrangements on the chat group. That’s when it happened.

Medium Sis decided to tell me I can’t come,

So next when the type is in Quote marks it’s a direct copy of the text sent.

Some of the texts I have are crazy long, so I’m not putting them all, but I will put the main bit and enough to not make it appear bias, but there is a cut off point to a lot of them.

Keeping as best I can on target.

This happened.

Medium SIS (to me) “Hey. You can’t come up as you need to isolate with the covid situation”.

Little Sis “Yes you really can’t at this point, too much risk for everyone …. Were the vulnerable elderly!!

Little Sis daughter “” Yes, it’s better to be safe …”

This is how one group began to form, and the other group began.

Older Sis son …” by the middle of August it will be more than 18 days since it was detected, what’s the guidance now, 10 days and a negative test?”

I was asked if I was back at work,, and told them all “Yes”

Brother said “” I think it is the only sensible thing to stay away until certain. why risk it. I’m not going to risk it, I will not be meeting them, I’ve avoided it so far and I think anyone in his position would consider others and not come. That’s what I would do …””

Now back at my house, We saw all these type of texts coming in, and I realised that I was getting put into an awkward situation , I mentioned this to my wife … even though I was clear and there was still another 9 days before we went , since there were people coming through airports from other countries, I thought ,, if anyone catches Covid at this gathering , I bet its me that gets the blame , right or wrong ..

And the only way to avoid this, is to not go.even if I’m clear, and ..it’s what they want as well.

So, amid these texts I wrote.

“” That’s Fine,I’m not coming up. I am clear now … and I cannot catch it or pass it on for the next 30 to 60 days anyway so I’m kind of bulletproof at the moment. but with all the people coming in from different countries. I hope you don’t get it.”

But Older Sis and her 3 sons saw that as being that Medium Sis and the ones that tagged on to her text had Uninvited me to an event that wasn’t hers. and had no right in doing so.

I thought Medium Sis should say “” Thanks for staying away for us.”

But no

And so, it kicks off.

All the texts coming in about covid and how it works and how long it takes.etc. even though I’d already said,I’m not coming.

Because the texting was getting as bit much, I phoned Older Sis as she used to be a nurse anyway,

And she posted part of our conversation, saying. “I spoke to him, and he tests negative now, thats conclusive and he has been advised by this healthcare system and a virologist, he has been very responsible, but people have become very fearful…”

Then

Brother …“If you test negative with a home test it’s not conclusive, you can still have false negatives …”

But the other side, my nephews were, saying “We’d love to see you all, and there’s plenty of time come up and well sort it all out.

OlderSis.…” I have read all the texts again and I see that you lot have let your fears override common sense and collectively you have bullied and uninvited him to an event that I invited him to. People are being infected and cleared and back to work all the time now.””

Brother “” I have not let my fears override my common sense at all! it’s a matter of being responsible if people felt it was a little too soon and thought they need a bit more time before meeting up.I’d understand that … so now I won’t attend, and you can get Him and his family up if you want.””

Medium sis ..“I resent being told that I bullied anyone!!! he knows I DON’T Bully People !!!...!

Nephew typed “” but Medium Sis., you didn’t ask a question, you just told him he can’t come “””

Now remember ,, a lot of this was happening during the day when I’m at work , and in a lot of places I’m not allowed a phone so I don’t see these texts until 6 or 7 at night , then I see them all , as there were some texts saying ,,” He should say this , or that , or tell us more ,, but he didn’t answer .. l””

Like I’ve got time to sit around texting all day. and it doesn’t matter anyway as I told them straight away.

…“I’m not coming up “what more do you need? I made my decision and told everyone.

And this thing went on and on, with the 2 sides saying,“you lot uninvited him to something we were organising , and that’s not your call as you have nothing to do with it.”

And the other side saying.” we didn’t bully him, he made his choice, based on what was said ,,that’s childish nor has he been subjected to any Spanish Inquisition“”

And this kind of thing went on for ages getting sillier and worse all the time.

But the argument was really between Older Sis, the mother and organiser and Medium Sis … as the the one who told us we can’t come up.

Until eventually, I started getting private texts to just me coming though …

Like a one from Medium Sis saying

“” I feel the need to tell you that you need to correct this situation with the family, that YOU and YOU ALONE have caused, by not being clear ….etc etc ,,..”” big long post.

But what can I do? she’s arguing with her sister, not my fault., what can I say to correct that ?

Sorry for catching covid.?? my fault …

Or, sorry for getting over covid in plenty of time to attend?

I can’t fix this, as I didn’t start it.

The way I see it is Older Sis is in charge, it’s her son that died, she picked the place she paid the money, she’s organizing the event , if you have a problem talk to her. not me.

That’s what I did. I kept her informed of our covid situation all the time.

Medium Sis was wrong to start uninviting people to an event she has no say in… I think she’s in charge of herself and that’s all … she can say,” I’m not coming.” and that’s fine, but that’s all. and why they kept on arguing after I had effectively ended it,? ..

The argument changed from that I was uninvited to ,, Why did I decide to not come up.

I honestly though it would make everything easier .

And later I got text from little Sis saying she”” agrees with Medium sis !, and that I should intervene when the argument started “”””

But intervene how? it’s not my frigging argument, all I can do is repeat I’m not coming up ..if the girls want to argue it’s up to them to stop it .. its not my call.

But Little Sis is saying “You really don’t get what you have done, it’s quite amazing that you don’t understand …””

I called Brother instead of text, he just ranted and ranted down the phone at me about this and then other things that weren’t even related .. and I just gave up as , that call was a waste of time.

I really can’t type everything that was said , or typed.

This went on for a while but at the end one unforgettable text came out that everyone will remember , as this just blew everyone away ,, good and bad ,,and it caused havoc,,. ,, it came from Older Sis s partner .

I’m putting the whole thing here …

“To Medium Sis ,, the ringleader, The awful petulant big baby brother ( who would argue withhimself in an empty room) , Little Sisiand her daughter, who just follow like sheep.

HOW DARE YOU uninvite him and his family to the funeral gathering of Older sis son.

The lack of respect with no remorse, .. or apology. Is .. FRANKLY UNBELEIVABLE

Arrogance , ignorance and , Yes , bullying!!!

It begs belief what you have done…… you should be ashamed of yourselves ,

And …to brother .. who turns up holding everything up and looking like he was dragged through a hedge backwards, .. didn’t even have the courtesy to come to the restaurant …..or even tell us why….not to mention actually speaking to give us condolences.

The lack of respect for you eldest sister .. IS STAGGERING ….DESPICABLE the lot of you ..”””

That text really killed everything and it all blew up then ,,

The list of replies … How dare you ,, and all that …

In the end we got

Medium sis left the group

Little sis left the group

Brother left the group

All in quick succession..

It also seems to me that I’m being targeted a bit as my wife was equally infected and equally part of everything that we did, but apparently , it’s just me that has cut the family in half.

I’ve been told by them to fix it .. how , how ? and why me ? why don’t they fix it ?

Anyway its been left like this ,, the private texts saying its all my fault and I need to fix this ,,NOW ..

But how ?

Now although, to save everyone that’s where I’m leaving it, even though there’s more.

What would you do?